Monday, March 29, 2010
Time to stop this nonsense. This nonsense that I've been saying I want to cease but always seem to resurface. I've wasted too much time, energy and thought thinking about all this. Troubling at times, it seems. I'm finally, sick and tired of thinking that there's an opening there for me, but what stops me is not the knowledge its impossible, but it's actually the stinking fact that the only stumbling block in front me is actually.. ironically.. myself. I think, and think, and think so much to the point that I suddenly 'realize' that all is against me. So I've finally concluded, maybe I'm not cut out for this kinda things. It's probably just best to play this patient, waiting game. And maybe, just maybe, I'll finally see the light at the end of this perceived dark tunnel of mine my mind has imagined for myself.
Another thing. I think I should just shut my mouth. I talk too much, too much junk most of the time. I don't know if I'm offending people, but maybe I should just shut up. You know the phrase STFU? I think it certainly should be applied for me. Then maybe, just maybe, I won't get so much stick. But on the contrary, maybe I'd be seen as unfriendly, or cold. I don't know, all this is so confusing to me. I don't know what is expected of me. I try to be nice, I'm seen as gay. I try to be fun, I'm seen as annoying and fucked up. What is really expected? Some people just seem to have a knack at this sorta socializing and master the art of conversing. Admittedly I haven't conquered this field, and I don't really intend to, although I do try to improve... I think I should just stop, pause, and give a good thought of what I want to say, before it actually comes out of my really
big mouth. Period.
2 more weeks before all this ends. Mixed emotions? Definitely.
Bye! (:
my thoughts at 9:40 pm