After almost a year of playing this new sport, tomorrow's the start of my first, and only, National Inter-School sports championship season. I always wished it was for football, but I guess hockey is almost as good a sport to compete for. And I would never have imagined to play the position I do, goalkeeper. So yeah, this is going to be a good experience for me. I hope.
I do not feel the pressure yet. In fact, I've been feeling fine the past few days. And I know, like academic exams, the pressure will all rush at once to me at the start of the match or when I'm padding up.
I do hope we get off to a good start in our tough, extra-team group. We really need to do so. And it won't be easy. There are no easy games. Every game will be like a cup final to us. I'm sure.
I hope I can play well. This is my only word of advice... you can either make a mistake, or make the difference and make history.
Bye!
my thoughts at 9:47 pm
Saturday, February 27, 2010
For those who follows or knows about soccer, have you ever wondered what it feels like to be a reserve goalkeeper? Like you're the second choice, and the first-team 'keeper's never injured or is just too good, so meaning, you'll never play! Well, I had the privilege of having this experience last year when I was the substitute goalie for SA (hockey, of course). Well, it wasn't the best feeling, always having to sit on the bench, not knowing what would happen or whether I'm just wasting my time and such, but at least I knew it was 'cos I was new, and the first choice was super good.
My point here is that playing second fiddle, or being a 'deputy' may not be such a bad thing. But in some other cases besides sport, it can seem really disgusting, in my opinion. Well, what I mean is that people discriminate all the time, right? So they'll always have a mental list of favourites and they'll unconsciously just favour those they prefer. I don't know, I do this too, but I feel I don't do it to such a huge degree, at least not so obvious! It really sucks to know that you're second choice to some people, especially if you seem to think they're important.
Well I'm sorry, you're second choice's not staying.
Hockey camp sucked. How I lasted the whole day of 3 hours training and a morning run with just 4 hours of sleep, is completely beyond me. The highlight was probably wrestling with Haqqim, and the highestlight was probably one time when I was washing my hands. ;)
I'm kinda sick of hockey now. Overkill just now.
Note to self: Being interested in those that have conflicting interest just isn't the way to go. Stop it!
Bye.
my thoughts at 6:03 pm
Saturday, February 20, 2010
You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough You never know when it shows up Make sure you're holding on 'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
my thoughts at 12:08 am
Friday, February 19, 2010
Okay. I can't get my thoughts together to post something concised and in order. So here goes.
I really don't give a shit anymore. Even if I don't look or speak like it, I really don't give a damn. For one, I hate refluctance and unhappiness. So if I, me, can't provide one with any joy or whatnot, and that person is unhappy or reluctant to hang with me... So be it. I mean really, why tie yourself down with the burden of feeling that you're not good enough or you're not funny enough. I say... HAVE A NICE DAY.
Sometimes knowing less really is better. When you keep scouring for information, for thoughts you want to read and know about, sometimes you just feel awful inside - not 'cos you're stalking or what - it's cos you find stuff you don't want to, or things you don't wanna know.. at least not now. So yah. I should stop Facebooking, or reading blogs. Period.
1.5 weeks left. Oh mans. Am I nervous? Not yet. But when it really comes, it'll all come rushing in - Yes, the nervousness. Hmm, there's a camp this Friday. Not fun camp.
I love Friday nights. Like around this time. It's the only time I have an excuse not to study. Then can use comp freely, have a good nights sleep. But come Saturday, its work and Sunday's just priming myself back to school mode. Hmm :D
K randomness over.
Bye~!
my thoughts at 11:00 pm
Monday, February 15, 2010
Obstacles are obstacles if you imagine it Sometimes, the best advice is no advice Ignorance is, if not, the best form of knowledge inquiry The point of life is to strike a balance, for which can never be achieved It's not about choosing the right choice, it's about choosing the one you feel good about Circumstance is for you to create, not placed into your path
Lastly, do you follow your heart or mind? My answer..?
None.
my thoughts at 11:12 pm
When I read other people's blogs, I think, 'why don't I blog like that?'. I read 'bout what other people do, I see their interests. And then I think to myself, 'should I have that interest too? just for the sake of being similar to someone else?'.
Then I wonder, why should I follow what others do? I have my own interests, my own likes, my own dislikes that, most probably know due to my audible nature. I don't do certain things, it's just because I don't like it. Everyone's different, that I know very well, so that's probably why I try not to follow the norm of others.
I've learned over these year or two that my real friends, the closer ones, the inner circle if you'd like to call it that way, are usually those that have similar interests to me. They don't really like most of the things I don't like, they love what I love. Football is one example. The drive to succeed probably another.
I know I may have neglected some of this inner circle recently, not that I want to, but (I have to give an excuse right?) maybe it's my body tiring out at certain times. I also have a feeling I'm drifting from the five. I don't think they look at me the same way each look at the other three. I don't really know what goes on in their lives through what they say, most probably just what I see on everyone's favourite website, Facebook. Well so in this case I don't really blame them for the distance. I can only blame myself, I can only blame hockey. But what to do? That's the only thing that can land in my testimonial this year. And hopefully a "1st" or "Gold" can sum up my CCA achievements this year. (I probably shouldn't go into the huge change between iMedia and hockey, aye?)
So yeah, after season, or sooner if possible, I'll try to mend some of the small, tiny cracks. Maybe first off I'll try to go for ACJC's carnival thingy, if I'm still invited though. But either way I'll still ask the bungs.
Anyway back to the main issue here. Is it correct to try to change oneself to suit the interest of another. I don't think that's right. If that person can't accept you for who you are, then there's no point really.
And I've also realised for a long time. Reality and blogging are two separate things. You can really see another person's side just by reading their blogs. It can be very fake, but there may be a chance it is real. But in any case. Never trust the face value of blogging, not even reality too.
And as usual, the difficulties, obstacles and problems are coming into my path faster than usual. Like I've always said, I don't wanna be left heartbroken at the end. I know this may seem that I think too much. But, like what I've said a gazillion times before, it's really not worth it. So yeah, I should just drop the initial interest.
No more, unless...
Hmm now I'd like to ponder, this post, does it sound like me trying to adopt another blogging style? I hope not. Cos then there'd be no sense of me anymore.
Bye.
I should probably start on history now.
my thoughts at 12:52 pm
Saturday, February 13, 2010
My 11/10.
You were that. You still are.
my thoughts at 10:50 pm
Friday, February 12, 2010
This week has been rather eventful!
Hmm first off Monday saw the new batch of J1 kids trying out for hockey. Most decided on it, I think? It was kinda funny that they were not given such hectic fitness on their first official training day, Wednesday. Hmm and there was a volunteer to try out as keeper, and man I say, he is damn, damn good. Got the physique, got the tallness. Haha. 'Tallness', now he rather exposes my lack of height even more prominently.
Enough 'bout training, the friendship week this week was okay. All the usual balloons, and loud music from the SC at the Caf was a little irritating at times. But in all it was still somewhat nice to hear the music, even if some songs I heard 4 times in consecutive days or even in the same hour. I still think the SC suck though (;
One note for football. I can't believe the ref's are blind to a purposely raised arm to block a freekick that was bound for the back of the net. If they want their Respect campaign to work, the refs need to earn that respect first. Period.
I also got threatened to be soaked/drenched this week. Quite cool luh, actually.
Today was CNY celebration. My first, and only, in SA for these two years. The concert was okay okay I guess? Boring in a sense that there were CO and CCS, even MCS was more interesting. Dance was probably the best performance of the concert. The tiger thing was kinda just a frickin' joke, in my opinion.
Then we went to decorate our homeroom! Well, for the record, S23's homeroom is D401, not C105. (: Just needed to get that straight. Well, it was messy, full of noise... I think we had a few chances to spoil the fan if we really did the hanging things wrongly. Hmm but in the end I thought the class looked pretty decent. Hmm the pics are a few of the better looking areas of the class. Haha. Why do I have a feeling the cushions may be stolen sooner or later? But anyway, hopefully we'll get one of our classmates' second-hand cushion, so we can lepak one corner in the very near future. But I have a feeling the cushion delivery will be dragged until the point we graduate without realising there was actually a possibility of one. Looks nice though, the board especially.
And the incomplete board of ours, sticking most, not all, of the names so far. Should be done by next week though. Looks pretty decent as well.
Ok so now there's gonna be like a super nice long weekend till Tuesday. CNY isn't gonna be very nice recently, and I don't expect it to get better anytime soon. But yah, HOPEFULLY I can squeeze in a couple of runs and do my homework! ... While having a good rest at the same time.
Bye~!
my thoughts at 8:13 pm
Monday, February 08, 2010
Managed to squeeze a post in.
Haha!!! I should adopt that thinking. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
And I SHOULD STOP THINKING!
So yeah. 3 weeks.
STAY FOCUS, Darren. Don't get distracted.
my thoughts at 10:06 pm
Saturday, February 06, 2010
I don't know why I have a thing for Avril Lavigne's music. It's just, her songs are not only catchy, but they have some sorta meaning. True about some saying her live sucks, but I've loved her music since I was in primary school and it ain't gonna change anytime soon! Been watching some of her live performances online, and I think she sounds alright live.
Complicated
My all-time favourite song of Avril. I remember I used to keep playing this song in my dad's car. Haha! (:
Innocence
Her newest single, I think? It sounds nice and it's a very different style from her usual type of music. Nonetheless, this song is really, really nice.
Sk8ter Boi
:) I like the guitar in this one.
Keep Holding On
Inspirational? Maybe...
Hmm, the lyrics of her song Innocence is really meaningful,
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
Yeah, I hope I don't let this year slip from me, too quickly. But suddenly I think I'm enjoying every moment of it...
~
Rules and values are there for a reason right? To guide ourselves, to make sure we're in step, with accordance to what we think is right and correct. But if you see the flip side, there's the exception. There's always a possibly one could throw away their values out of the window, due to an exception. And soon, the exception will become the rule. So I don't buy the shit that people will always stick to their rules, there's always the possibly of change. The only thing that remains constant in this world is change. If you don't get what I mean, my bad.
~
If you really want something, if you really desire something, do you go all out for it? If I really wanted to win the A'Div, would I train super hard? Yes, that definitely. But am I right to say, there are certain things that just cannot be obtained even if I desired it so much?
Or maybe, I don't desire it enough to want to go for it with everything I've got. I gave up when there was no sign of the impossible yet. But anyway now, it doesn't really matter anymore.. I guess.
I think the past year has been really good to me, even though it doesn't looked that way. And I can safely say I'm back to my normal self. For real... For good. (:
Okayys. I think I'll see you next weekend! It's Chinese New Year soon!
Bye~!
my thoughts at 8:11 pm
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
I'm starting to doubt whether I'm good enough for hockey as a 'keeper, or good enough for anything, really. People say, 'you must believe in yourself, push yourself'. But the thing is, I'm not sure whether I have the physical or mental toughness to push myself to something I have never reached before; or whether I'm brave enough to do anything correct. 'Don't be afraid to make mistakes', some may say. That's what exactly I'm not. I'm conscious of the mistakes I make, I think of them the whole day, sometimes even more if it's something I really did not want to get wrong.
I try to distract myself with anything in the world I can find, sometimes unconventional, sometimes trivial, but what else can I do?
Now it seems the going is gonna get tougher than it already is. Evidence can be seen with my history grade for this MSA. And to think it's just MSA, without maximum intensity training yet, and yet I couldn't study well enough for it.
Season's gonna start in 4 weeks. BT1 is in another month or so. Training is almost 4 days a week. I better use my weekends more wisely now. Saying is much more simpler than doing, right? Yup, true for me too. But I'll still try. Consistent work pays off, evidently. Well, this was what I signed up for last year, the challenge of juggling sports and school. And the beginning of such a difficult one is looking desperately hard to keep up with.
Sleep is also almost such a invaluable intangible item now. Even when I sleep for at least 7 hours, I still can doze off in class. But during breaks, I'm like so full of energy. I need to learn how to hibernate during breaks, especially if I'm not doing work during the break.
And the timetable isn't very helpful either. Some days, full of long breaks, some days, one short miserable 30minute break. And the timing of the breaks, 10plus, 2plus. Can't it be like around 1plus? More lunchtime-like? With more breaks, you eat more when you're in the caf. With just one miserable break, you just eat that instance, and go hungry for the rest of the lessons after that. I just don't get it.
There is motivation to do well, to strive and work hard. To get that Gold, to get those As. But the current stresses of juggling both is difficult. And to think after the season, I'll be so free, and have to study, AND miss hockey at the same time, at some stage.
It's already 10pm. I think I should go.
I need to rediscover my boundless energy, I THINK I used to have. Ugh.