I don't want to be Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do Is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms Wondering what I've got to do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn Am I the only one who noticed? I can't be the only one who's learned!
This lyrics is damn true, man. There's so many fakes around nowadays, showing their two (or more) faces at different times. Admittedly, it is true that everyone can't treat everyone equally, right? There's certain gray areas and vagueness about this. But the thing I'm trying to say is, that the amount or the degree of such fakeness is just damn irritating, frustrating, and infuriating. For myself, I know for one, who am I is what you get, no fakeness whatsoever. Sometimes, it can't be helped. My acclaimed loudness, crudeness just comes with the care, concern package of myself. I may be quite down at times, but at least I am who I am. For those who can't see for themselves, and continue to be close to 'em, and when youopen your eyes, hate that I told you so.
I am damn pissed, unhappy to be more frank. It's like this deja vu from last year, just so unfortunate for myself, it's much tougher now. And I'm not going to explain why. (: Even if you apologise or is apologetic, I know you're not sorry. A takedown is imminent, just watch. Great video, though.
Anyway, recently, I LOVE NICKELBACK. They're damn nice. All thanks to lum for intro-ing it to me a couple of months ago. Now a few new music videos from their latest album, and old album as well, are really nice to watch, and quite meaningful as well.
If Everyone Cared
This video is damn inspiring, man.
I'd Come For You
If Today Was Your Last Day
Great video! Seriously, it's damn nice, and the twist at the end, was damn good. Love the lyrics, love the song!
Carlos Santana feat Chad Kroeger - Into The Night
Santana is just super good with his guitar, and Chad Kroeger's voice is, real unique and rockish.
So yeah... C'mon long weekend!
Hmm, just one thing, I am still wondering what could have been had I not screwed it up, so bad.
Bye~!
my thoughts at 5:12 pm
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
So yeah. Today is one of the first time/rarest times I've missed school. It did give me one day of respite from SA, but then again, so much traveling and waiting was involved.. so I didn't really get much of a rest out of today.
Went to the polyclinic near SGH at around 8. Waited like half an hour (?) then managed to register. Then waited another hour or so (?) .. cos got like 8 people in front of me queuing to see the doctor. The doc said some long virus name, and that it may take 6-8 weeks to recover, which means THE WHOLE SEASON. Of course, this can be heal earlier. Hopefully soon... I wanna play some part in the hockey season! Crap sia... Then I had to take blood and urine test. Can't remember the last time I've done that. So yah, damn scary at first, but since only small amount of blood is taken, not so pain as I imagined. In the end, paid quite a small amount for their services (the waiting time was very expensive, indeed).
Then went to watch the SA-PJ game at Delta. Happy that SA won 2-0. I could have played some part in this game had I been okay. Argh man... Now we're in the 'easier' group and CJ's gone through instead of favourites PJ. C'mon Saints! Haha...
Now gotta do Econs, just finished a bit of Math.
Bye~!
my thoughts at 9:11 pm
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Why am I always so confused over such trivial stuff? I keep changing my mind over and over again, and the heart keeps giving me the wrong signs. It's like something is controlling me and that isn't a really nice feeling. Others are facing much more serious problems than me and here I am this past few weeks blabbering over crap.
If I can't get over the first/previous/(current) one, I can't see myself being able to focus at anything else that I'm doing, and as especially focus on one I may have some sort of notice in. And every time this comes about, I get all sensitive, paranoid over situations and keep thinking and thinking and thinking of the possibilities and whatnot. If it's like one I have zero attention at, I wouldn't care what's going on that side at all.
my thoughts at 12:57 am
Friday, April 24, 2009
This few days I've been thinking... Am I too loud? Am I too crude at times? Am I stuff that people don't like? Or what? I don't know leh. I'm really not sure about this. Can someone give me a clue? A hint? Sucks at times, seeing others that do almost nothing be so well-liked.
Well, there's one thing I know for certain... It's that.. in my life, I eff-ing hate hypocrites. Call me hypocrite if you think I am, which I feel I'm not. But I seriously hate those two-faced dicks.
Seemingly strenuous
And I'm not really liking this current period... So much more homework, up and coming tests, the Hockey season, so much training, project work groupings... So much to think about.. but I'm at least grateful for one thing.. it's that... I have some great people around me that support me all this awhile. Thanks, peepz! ... For all those backstabbers, nothing to say to ya.
Bye~
my thoughts at 9:52 pm
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Eh crap.
my thoughts at 6:11 pm
Monday, April 20, 2009
After the many weeks of super tiring training and super harsh scolding, it's all starts tomorrow...
Let's hope we get off to a good start, yeah!
And I'm still a doubt. Haha...
my thoughts at 9:57 pm
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Maths. I used to rock at it. From Mrs Tan to Mdm Ee in Upper Sec, I was taught it, I learnt it, I practiced it, I excelled in it. Now with a sucky Math tutor, and the same as in lectures, I am not getting Math, not gripping the concepts well, and not being able to do the tutorials, which is damn worrying. Economics is a bugger as well, the lectures are just sian, and the essays are so sian to write as homework.
Hockey is taking up so much time. I was so used to my slacky iMedia life, where when we hung out in the Studio till 5-6, we'd either be playing soccer, studying or talking cock. Admittedly, I did quite little stuffs at CCA. So anyway thats not the point, now, I'm coming back at around close to 9 on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, and half of Saturday is gone.
I'm so stressed.
my thoughts at 8:13 pm
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Ok. I am super busy right now, I only have time to do this blog post. Haha...
Some random pics of the last couple of weeks:
before the 32nd Students' Council Commendation
Sam and I's failed 'camwhore' attempt
our assembly program yesterday
oh. shit.
emo right? haha...
32nd Students' Council Commendation was held last Wednesday, pretty boring at times, to be frankly honest. Friday's assembly program with the traditional European folk music was pretty cool and quite nice to hear, at least something different from what's on my iPod. Well the photo is a lil' blur 'cos my class' sitted on the second floor of the Cultural Centre (CC). So I had to zoom in, basically. And what I saw when I was home last night? What a sight, eh? One more year of freedom.
Yeah. So what's coming up soon? 'A' Div Hockey season, Common Tests, Project Work's PI to be handed in, and I haven't got a concrete idea yet, grouping for PW. There is definitely more that I just can't think of. And yet, there's so many other craps in my mind other than academic and CCA stuffs. I want to go back to Cath High more often, but can't seem to find the time. I want to strengthen my friendships, new and old. I want SA Hockey to win the 'A' Div. I want to do well for Common Tests.
And there's one last thing I want, that I have pretty much less control over the others, which is ... . =) That sometimes suck, you know...
Back to football, no Stevie G for the Arsenal game on Tuesday and maybe for the Hull game this Saturday. Die. Die. Die. Fernando Torres better step up his game! Or else...
Bye~!
my thoughts at 7:29 pm
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Do I really always screw up when things seem to be going right? And why do I always make it worse when I'm trying to make things right? There's just so many things buggin' me. And yes, Hockey is the least of my concerns right now. There's school, friends and some other stuffs problems. I'm struggling at the current Maths topic, Econs is still a blur, only Physics is promising, so far.
PW is just shit-eh in my opinion.
--
--
--
There's always this saying, the times you are in need, your true friends just reveal themselves automatically. I've realised that before, and I'm realising that now again. I'm sick of putting up some facade when I'm down and almost out. That just sucks, okay. Be with me only for who I am, not what I am. Certainly, I'm not the funniest, not the most joker, not the person that can make a buncha people laugh, but I do know, for sure, I'm one hell of a deep person. Secrets, I keep, problems, I try my best to help solve. Fun, we'll enjoy together. Loyalty is a big part of me, if you ain't loyal to me after all I've done, you're going down under my watch. Big Time. Don't worry, I'm not some crazy, mad backstabber. I've known how hot temper I can be in Sec 1 and 2, and from then on I'm a much more cool, composed, and calm person, even at times of near-desperation. People that know me well, or who takes the effort to know me, know that all too well. You just need time with me, and you'll slowly see.
I am definitely a very good friend if you want me to be it, but I can be super nasty if it's needed, which I don't feel good at all if I really fan lian. So don't try me, honest. I've been and always is here for my friends, and is it so hard to expect my friends to be there when I'm in need? As mentioned, I value loyalty a lot. You don't just ignore me without reason, you don't just leave me without giving a good nickel about it. No offence, to anyone, really.
One last thing...
Everything I do, I do with reason.
Make sure y'all know that, bye.
my thoughts at 10:14 pm
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
So. It's over. Great fight from Liverpool. 4-4...
Anyway...
Stevie G loved playing alongside Torres in Liverpool's starting eleven. He kept wanted to be alongside Torres in attack, advancing from his role as a support striker, to Torres' partner-in-crime upfront. Try as he may, he just couldn't find a way to, not convince Torres that he is the perfect partner for him, but he could not find a way to tell Torres that he wanted to play beside him.
So a training ground rift between Stevie G and Torres split the Reds' dressing room. They weren't on communicating with each other on or off the pitch, and Liverpool were not winning their games. Now, Gerrard doesn't want to play alongside Torres anymore.
All this while, Javier Mascherano was playing behind Gerrard as a central midfielder, a ball-winning player. Now Gerrard found that Mascherano was a nice person to play alongside, so he was thinking whether he should play alongside Mascherano, this time.
Suddenly, things get better between Torres and Stevie G. A handshake on the training ground signalled the start of a winning streak for Liverpool, in which they combined very well to score a lump sum of goals. Stevie G now thinks, that maybe playing alongside Torres would be a good idea.. again. However, he may also feel that Mascherano, who he feels more comfortable with, on and off the pitch, could be a better partner for him in central midfield, instead of the forward line.
And now, Gerrard. Is. Confused.
my thoughts at 10:17 pm
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Ok. So this is it. For Liverpool's Champions League this year, it's now or never. Either win by 3-0, 4-2 or more, or crash up. Win 3-1, and it'll go down to extra time and penalties. Either scenarios, to be done at Stamford Bridge, within 90 minutes, at least, or else... It's bye bye and back to an EPL title race slowly slipping away... What an impossible task, but then again, this IS Liverpool. Carra and his defence must be on top form, to hold off Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba. Arbeloa and Aurelio/Dossena need to have the game of their life, running their guts out. Alonso and Masch needs to control Ballack and Essien... Stevie G and Torres will have to steal the show.
Kuyt? ... Just run and run and run.
So yeah anyway, things are looking better, especially in school now.
Bye~!
my thoughts at 8:11 pm
Friday, April 10, 2009
Still getting over the fact Liverpool need at least 3 goals at Stamford Bridge next week. The only good thing is that Javier Mascherano will be back, and John Terry will be out, but there's Ricardo Carvalho for him, so I don't know if there's any advantage.
How will Liverpool set out next week? How CAN* they set out? To defend and also to get 3 goals.
Well, Jose Reina will definitely start in goal.. I mean, it's not like playing Diego Cavalieri would make any difference... Daniel Agger should partner Jamie Carragher in defence, he's a more "offensive" defender, with a good left peg, very decent shot and a excellent visionary pass in him, which is obvious Martin Skrtel doesn't have. The only disadvantage? Skrtel is obviously better at handling a physical Didier Drogba. Then Agger will be the one that starts the attacks from the back. Alvaro Arbeloa and Emiliano Insua for full-backs, Insua is needed for his running and attacking threat.
Xabi Alonso will have to pull the strings in midfield, and its a must he does it well. His long passes need to be perfect, his vision and radar must be on-form next week. With Javier Mascherano back, not only Alonso will have a much better partner to deal with Michael Ballack and Frank Lampard, Mascherano will be able to stop attacks better than Lucas Leiva, and neutralise Lampard, and ultimately protecting Alonso to give him space to launch attacks.
Ryan Babel should start on the left, Albert Riera was not good enough against Jose Bosingwa. With Babel turning in most of the time, Bosingwa's weaker foot would be exposed more often, and this might draw out Alex to cover for Bosingwa's weakness, leaving more space in the centre of Chelsea's defence. Dirk Kuyt will definitely start, even though Yossi Benayoun would be a better option.
If Stevie G is fit, he'll start behind Fernando Torres. He'll have to do a better job evading Michael Essien's attentions if he is to click with Torres effectively. If Rafa would use his head, he should put Gerrard on the right instead of Kuyt, and put Babel upfront with Torres, playing a 4-4-2, but the partnership between Gerrard and Torres is just too much to break up. Benayoun, El Zhar, N'Gog, and Riera are the only players that could come off the bench and make a difference, not very good...
Hmm... There's still hope.
Anyway, this weekend, need to study! Argh... Even though there's Econs essay assignment, Maths assignment, Chinese (6) worksheet, remembering Chinese definitions, rethinking Project Work's PI, to do, I need to do some studying myself. No time!
Bye~!
my thoughts at 3:38 pm
Thursday, April 09, 2009
What a really tiring week, both mentally and physically. And the worse part is? It's only 3 days worth of work, and a day, today, of stoning Sports Day.
So yah, Monday started with the usual weekly Monday blues. Sianness was infectious. Well at least there were no training on Monday, having been given a break for our limbs to rest and recuperate. So managed to get some studying done on Monday, or did I?
Tuesday was more of the same, just that the Econs after school lecture was a bit last-minute, even though it wasn't, well our knowledge of it's existence was last-minute. So it was until 530. But before that, went with aly to the tau huay shop near outside school. And when she let me try one of her tang yuan, or is it what it's called? It was damn nice! First time I try, I must be deprived or something.
Wednesday, only got like four lessons, so went quite quickly. Training was kinda tough, don't know why.
I am so struggling at Maths, Physics is getting better with Forces, still trying to get a hang of Econs, History is still much of the same. PW is the suckiest so far. I think I have to reconsider my PI, so how? Have to think over this long weekend. Well, I still need my dose of FM, Fifa, Liverpool, and stuff. Needa relaks, you know! So yah. Much to do in a very short space of time, Econs assignment, Chinese work... Argh...
Stoned during Sports Day today, cos not allowed to run. Quite sian lei, just sit there... Learned the pen-tapping thingy for awhile, then went mahjong with aly, her friend, and sy. =) Quit-uh fun luh.
So like that now lor, relaksing now, 'cos start tomorrow have to chiong work liao.
I'm kinda bothered with something. It's coming up real soon, it could either make or break me possibly. It's not what you can think of. =( I hope it ends up good.
Bye~!
my thoughts at 9:31 pm
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Aww...
Even with the girls, the laughter, the Hockey...
I miss Stamford Bridge soccer, I miss iMedia, I miss 4-4, I miss suaning friends without thinking, I miss suaning teachers (Mr F knows best), I miss taking half the recess to queue up for food, I miss going to hang out in the Control Room, and Studio, I miss the taopoking sessions, I miss suaning the juniors, I miss suaning Shawn Teo, And I miss the insensitive nature of guys,
Basically, I really miss Cath High.
my thoughts at 9:20 pm
Sunday, April 05, 2009
I hate PI.
my thoughts at 7:15 pm
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Wow. Today at Northland, Yishun.. was kinda a bad day for us. Played ACSI (IB) during three periods of 20 minutes. The first period was still kinda okay, we started to communicate more with each other, shouting here and there. Goalless at the end. Then the second period came with me going on and some other subs. Lost 2 goals during that period that I was playing. Argh, should have done better, I felt in my opinion. But yeah third period came, just couldn't find the two goals to equalise, so we lost overall. Haiyo, and some of us started losing our cool during the game... So nevermind, need to work harder!
Hmm... GP comprehension, PW draft, Chinese stuffs, Econs tutorial... So much stuff to frickin complete, and so little time! Anyway the "A" Div season's coming up soon, hopefully it'll be a good season, and that I'd still be coping well with work...
Hmm... And it's like, I've learnt to be nicer to people, just be more emotion-sensitive to 'em, so as not to offend people. And that, meeting new people is fun! Haha... Well, it depends too!
Bye~!
my thoughts at 5:24 pm
Friday, April 03, 2009
Ok. Fine... I've had enough. No more. I'm done.
If you're willing to speak, I'll be more than happy to reply.