Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Admittedly, we didn't play very well. That itself is such a huge understatement. In all honesty, we really played like shit. The defending for the first half was totally off, and we weren't playing our normal transfer game. It was really luck we managed to shut them out, from my perspective. But I am still happy we are into the semis. And hey, just ponder, weren't our objectives in getting to this Group X to avoid RI in the semis in the first place? And yup, we've done it. So c'mon VJ's next. Anything can happen.
The calm I felt when the stroke was awarded, I still don't know why, nor how. I just thought, okay time for my
Lehmann-esque goalkeeping antics. I had a little chat with the ref, on why the stroke was given (calmly, I must emphasize), and whats the procedure for a stroke. After that, the IJ flicker was trying to exude his confidence, and of course, though I was shorter than him, I didn't fear. I had nothing to lose. It was as if we already let in that goal. I also don't know how I managed to shut out the cheering from our girls team on the sidelines. I don't know. The whistle blew, the IJ flicker paused, I didn't fall as he wanted ;) , and when he flicked to my right I just went down. On the ground, looking up at the ref showing the no goal sign, inside, I was ecstatic, but the full emotions would only come if I kept another clean sheet. And I did, albeit with a lot of luck. But I don't care, I deserve that luck. (:
Hmm. Another small act y'all did certainly made me smile. Yet again (: Thanks guys. (:
I need to use this two day break to forget about hockey for awhile and focus on other fun stuff! Like the Europa League! And GH! Haha... Then Saturday's back on preparation for the semi-finals. Our time to, hopefully, shine. (:
Bye~!
my thoughts at 8:54 pm
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tomorrow is get-to-semis day for both the boys and girls team. Haha, hope both teams make it. Top the group? I'm not too sure...
You know. You really have a knack for cheering me up when I'm down. You just know when to. And the littlest things brings a smile to my face. But yet, you can bring me to an all time low at any particular.
And I think I'm damn smart, really. My theories, never lie. Case studies? I can give you some, even comparative ones.
Bye. I'm bullshitting.
my thoughts at 9:35 pm
Monday, March 29, 2010
Time to stop this nonsense. This nonsense that I've been saying I want to cease but always seem to resurface. I've wasted too much time, energy and thought thinking about all this. Troubling at times, it seems. I'm finally, sick and tired of thinking that there's an opening there for me, but what stops me is not the knowledge its impossible, but it's actually the stinking fact that the only stumbling block in front me is actually.. ironically.. myself. I think, and think, and think so much to the point that I suddenly 'realize' that all is against me. So I've finally concluded, maybe I'm not cut out for this kinda things. It's probably just best to play this patient, waiting game. And maybe, just maybe, I'll finally see the light at the end of this perceived dark tunnel of mine my mind has imagined for myself.
Another thing. I think I should just shut my mouth. I talk too much, too much junk most of the time. I don't know if I'm offending people, but maybe I should just shut up. You know the phrase STFU? I think it certainly should be applied for me. Then maybe, just maybe, I won't get so much stick. But on the contrary, maybe I'd be seen as unfriendly, or cold. I don't know, all this is so confusing to me. I don't know what is expected of me. I try to be nice, I'm seen as gay. I try to be fun, I'm seen as annoying and fucked up. What is really expected? Some people just seem to have a knack at this sorta socializing and master the art of conversing. Admittedly I haven't conquered this field, and I don't really intend to, although I do try to improve... I think I should just stop, pause, and give a good thought of what I want to say, before it actually comes out of my really
big mouth. Period.
2 more weeks before all this ends. Mixed emotions? Definitely.
Bye! (:
my thoughts at 9:40 pm
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Earth Hour 2010. Did you turn off your lights?
Well for that hour from 8.30pm to 9.30pm, I definitely did! Well everyone can do something for climate change, even if you think it's the most trivial as turning off your lights for an hour. It still does has a huge effect if 3/4 of Singapore does it, like 4 million people. Imagine 3/4 of the whole world... Just everyone doing their individual part.
Went to ACJC's Funorama today. And wow it was really, really crowded. Much more people than Cath High's usual Homecoming. The atmosphere was certainly lively, but the prices of food, well expectantly, were super inflated and expensive. Well, I just enjoyed myself. Managed to go with
sy and
aaron, and got to catch up with
the bungs! Haha... Great stuff. Had to get myself out today, especially after all the highs and lows of the season and BTs. (:
I wanna get my dose of soccer later too! Seems like a long time since I've enjoyed stress-less football! Haha...
Yeah. Life's good, so far. Attention turns to Wednesday come tomorrow.
Bye~!
my thoughts at 9:48 pm
Friday, March 26, 2010
If you'd, or anyone else for that matter, whether I'd take a draw from the RIJC game, I definitely would have said yes. Well, we got a great result today, getting a 2-2 draw, but maybe the slightest disappointment is because we actually fought back to go 2-1 up. Just couldn't hold on... And I could have done better with the goals, even if I let them it, at least I moved correctly. Sigh, nothing I can do to change things now. A great result on our part. The so-called mighty RI could not get a win today. Now we still have to win on Wednesday to ensure our place. Our confidence did not take a beating today. (: I want to win so badddddd.
Now I can laugh and look back when I lost my clean sheet within 20seconds, after four matches keeping the opponents out. Haiy...
I'm totally drained from the match. I have a headache, and I slept so long today some more. Thanks to Haiqel and Sam for making the effort to come down and support us Saints! Much appreciated by me... :D
Hmm, now I have the whole weekend to relax, enjoy the result, enjoy the end of BTs and the thought of not needing to study so hard is shiokkkk. I can now relax for like 48 hours? Haha... Back to work and hockey on Monday!
Haha tonight's gonna be a good night indeed. And I need to go shopping for
some stuffs.
Bye~! Off to enjoy and
lepak!
my thoughts at 8:15 pm
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Chance.
Most times, we are given many chances, especially at redemption. Well, I only have one chance tomorrow, but that isn't really what I have been feeling really important to me. I've always wanted that
one chance, to try, even if it didn't work out... Fine. What I do know is that this chance might never come at all. What a pity.
Passion. Is there a limit? For me, in a sports sense, I love to win. I play to win, and I'd do anything to win, even when it's friendly competition. Even with friends, I go out, give a 120% to what my stamina allows me to give. But sometimes.. sorry... Most of the time, in the past, it goes out of hand, I have little control over myself and act rashly. It has affected some of my friendships before, fortunately little lasting effects. I think I have and should draw the line more prominently between competitiveness and just being reckless. It can hurt people, in more ways than one. It's just an innate nature of mine, I find it hard to change. I do try, but sometimes it just gets out of hand without my knowledge.
my thoughts at 10:40 pm
One aspect of this hectic period is over for me. And that's BT1! I won't have to study so hard... for awhile at least. Now it's all focus to the season, and what better to focus on, than tomorrow's game. We're facing RJC, seven-years consecutive champions. But we have an unbeaten and zero conceded record too, albeit against weaker opposition. I don't know how to feel, but I'm just gonna prepare mentally and physically as hard as I can, and let tomorrow decide for itself.
Well 09S23 finally had their FIRST real class outing today! We went to Adam's Road (yah that's like my '
first' time there, haha) to eat, then Island Creamery at Serene Centre for ice cream, and man the cookies and cream really did have cookies inside! Wonderful sinful stuff. Then we celebrated Sam's and JiangJun's birthday (Happy Birthday guys!) with an ice cream 'cake', took hell lot of photos, shall not elaborate what kind, and, played cards. Wonderful stuff. Haha we should have more outings, especially since BT1's over.
Hmm. I'm not ready.
Bye~!!
my thoughts at 3:38 pm
Monday, March 22, 2010
The last 24 hours have been cruel to me.
First off, I got a bit of an anti-climax when Liverpool took a 6th minute lead through Fernando Torres. Only to see a stupid foul by Mascherano saw Liverpool take the lead for only 6 minutes? Reina did VERY well to save, but... It just wasn't Liverpool's day. And Torres' petulance and madness made him miss two freaking easy, to him, chances.
What a complete lack of effort and commitment.Secondly, I screwed up Econs. For the first time in 5 years, my essay length for two particular essay parts was like half?! When have I wrote so little before! So yah my Econs is dead.
Thirdly, the stupid weather postponed the match to tomorrow. I could have finished the match today, gone home, study, have a good sleep, wake up late tomorrow since I have no paper, and enjoy tomorrow. But then? I have to go to Delta at 7 tomorrow, and play the match I don't feel like playing at all. And then go home and study my balls off for Maths and History. Thanks ah thanks. Worse still, the following match just now took place after the lightning suddenly was magically turned off. Fuz.
Fourthly, this made me the most disappointed. One chance. Gone. :(
Bye peeps my life sucks right now.
my thoughts at 5:55 pm
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Do you continue to fight a losing battle?
Would you battle on even with the knowledge the odds are against you, big time?
Is persistence really good enough?Argh. It's Man Utd tomorrow. Good luck Liverpool.
Bye!
my thoughts at 1:22 am
Saturday, March 20, 2010
It's seems like an eternity since I've got onto the comp. The thought of having BTs next week plus A'Div matches and the everlasting training seems to be taking its toll. I have to use all the time I have now to study, if not I'm at training. Zz... Life sucks now. The fear of flunking BTs is also kinda sinking in. I don't want to flunk BTs. The only consolation for me is that at least I know I'm
trying not to flunk BTs. Keyword is trying.
Having BTs right smack in between A'Div is just crap man. There's just no time for studying. I know everyone's saying BTs for flunking, but still... I wanna do well and I also wanna win A'Div. This March holidays isn't a holiday, AT ALL. Other holidays I may say the same thing, but this March break is the most purest form of not being a break at all. I'm not making sense but yah, I'm tired and stressed out. I need a break, but it won't come until after season.
Anyway besides academics and all the bore that comes with it... Is it really good
enough to be second choice? Can you take playing second fiddle?
Admiring from afar isn't good when you know that person has eyes on someone else already.Why, oh why, do I get myself in this awesome mess of shit when I know it all won't come down to anything? I'm stupid.
Bye.
And congrats to Fulham for thrashing Juventus even when they were 4-1 down on aggregate.
You're starting to lose your appeal.
The very thing that made you great in my eyes are still there, though.
But it seems the feelings aren't that strong anymore.
Don't worry, I've forgotten. Period.
my thoughts at 12:10 am
Monday, March 15, 2010
I shall (try) to stop rambling so much about how life sucks and how things never seem to go my way. It's no use. Instead, I'll (try to) be optimistic! There's no point grumbling about your pain and wrongs you encounter and experience everyday. Why not, just enjoy the bright sparks and good feelings and just play and have fun, even whilst studying?
There are many things that make me happy, and a similar (though hopefully lesser) amount of things which makes me really unhappy. But shouldn't we all just forget about the downs of life and just ride on the highs when we can and when we obviously need to? From enjoying the great start to my hockey season, to enjoying the moments JC have given me, to enjoying the company of my really great friends, isn't this is what life is about? Why the need to think about the apparent betrayals, backstabbings and paranoia surrounding everything and concerning those around you?
Why don't, we just play out life (especially now) like how we pick the team to play? Like, just pick the best and leave the bullshit out. Like that, we have the best possibility of winning, and in terms of life itself, we have the best chance of enjoying what life is all about.
For me, I
want to try to be like this, this optimistic self. But however I try to strive to be so optimistic, it never seems to work. Well, for one, I'm always willing to try, again.
Stay less nervous. Be more composed. This are some mantras I try to go by. It certainly is difficult to do so. But I must always remember that I shouldn't cloud this last year in what have been one of my most fun academic periods, JC that is, with wrong judgments and errors which could make me feel bad or make me offend someone else.
Maybe I should keep this in my head.
Just enjoy the moments, for it won't last forever.Bye!
my thoughts at 12:02 am
Friday, March 12, 2010
So it's been quite awhile since I've turned on the comp, or rather blog/facebook. Actually, it's only been a week. Well I ban myself from the comp to study for BT1, and seems to work, seh? It's been another hell of a week, but there are certainly some things I feel really, really happy about.
Here goes randomness...
We won another match, this time against AJC. It was the match I've been waiting for, as I'd be able to meet Ervin and his AJC team. Well let's just say it didn't really went to well for 'em? But in all fairness, well played.
I had three reasons to smile on Wednesday. Thanks peepz (: The smallest things gives me the greatest satisfaction, honest.
Would you rather be a utility friend, than not a friend at all? I've always thought about this, and to be a friend out of convenience kinda sucks in my opinion. I feel I've been at this wrong end with a couple of my 'friends', but other than that it's been alright. Just sucks.
Funny how I was thinking about this before the GP Paper II today.
Dead ends. Road blocks. Are they really there? Or unless we imagine them there? Either way, it seems to be very effective in stopping me from doing stuff. And if there's one thing I've realised, all guys think the same way. We think too much most of the time.
Bye.
my thoughts at 10:51 pm
Sunday, March 07, 2010
I still remember how down I was at a particular time last year. I wouldn't say heartbroken, maybe heart pain. It definitely wasn't the nicest feeling. It definitely wasn't a really big time either. But it was another step in helping me understand the complexities of all this. It could certainly be the reason why I'm so/more hesitant, cautious and unwilling to commit my interest totally. It was also the first time I had such a real feeling, a really down feeling. It's hard to describe. But on hindsight, maybe I needed to go through such an experience. Many questions I still have left unanswered, of which I have no desire to look back into and seek such. Sometimes it's best to leave it as it is, and I'm sure this is the case now. It definitely wouldn't benefit anyone.
And like many other posts past, I feel this year has been good to me, so far. I can safely say I've been able to be really myself. I'm not trying to sell anything unlike the year gone by. Some aren't happy with what they get from me, but to whom I have little concern for. I've learn to better control my emotions, feelings, interests and to always know: you can't have everything you want.
Most around me are attached, or on the way to being attached. Yes, I do envy them at times, as they seem to be really happy with their companionship. But, I do know that beyond the surface, there are cracks in problems and some differences, hard to settle, troublesome. That's probably my only
excuse for being single. Just almost exactly a year ago, I was blinded (almost quite literally), and only in mid-year did I cleared my vision and saw the negatives, and boy did I see many. I knew my
standard had dropped, but the next one after that, I can safely say my
standards didn't drop, even if some say it did. But in any case, I'm happy as it is now, and with this year being ever so important, I'll take the passive route. I don't want to be distracted anymore. Really. Period. I just don't want to.
It's not fun, most of the time, when you act differently in front of
one particular person. Or you just can't hold it together at times.
I think I just haven't matured enough yet for this sort of thing.
But then again, when do you ever know when you're mature enough for anything? Let alone this...
Bye.
my thoughts at 12:44 am
Friday, March 05, 2010
Second game. Second win.
Second clean sheet for me.
Well I wouldn't say the game was the prettiest.
It was pretty scrappy in my opinion, as we were still trying to switch our mentality to a passing game.
I wouldn't say the second half was much of an improvement, but we did play slightly better.
I didn't do
that well, I just did my job, in my opinion.
So yeah, focus turns yet to the next game, against AJC.
Hmm, this week has been pretty 'short'. Only 3 days of lessons, then one is Cross-Country at East Coast, which is damn far away, and today's Service Learning Day plus 'A's release. I couldn't get my Chinese results cos I had match. Damns. Haha. I just realised it really isn't two weeks to BT1 (excl. GP).
I mean this week most days are training and match. I only have Tuesday and Thursday to study, along with the weekends. Then during March one week holiday, there's academic planner on Monday and Tuesday, plus a tentative hockey camp and more training. So it's like, I don't really have time then. I really need to plan my time and get the upcoming schedule!
Ah. BT1's so gonna be flunked.
Bye.
my thoughts at 9:31 pm
Monday, March 01, 2010
Today was our first game.
It went well.
I won't say the scoreline.
I kept a clean sheet though, even though I didn't have a lot to do.
Nevertheless, I'm happy my first ever A'Div game got off to a great start.
More to come, I hope?
Focus turns to Friday now.
Bye!
my thoughts at 9:16 pm