Saturday, November 28, 2009
Shit man. No, no, no... I can't believe I'm up to my old
thinking self again. I don't know what's up with me. Do I have too much time on my hands now? I just don't wanna think, but every now and then, those unanswered questions pop up again. I only know, so far, that one person has those answers, but I don't wanna drag that person into this. I need to distract myself, but there's nothing left. No more PW, no more studies for the time being. Only training, but I'm trying not to think of that too, and in a week it'll be a distraction no more.
I knew, not too long ago, that some of these questions are best left unanswered. I've given up, already. But I'm still bothered time and time again by the gap that was left there... Maybe it's 'cos I have no more
distractions for me? Or that
my way of distracting myself isn't working anymore? I don't know. Now, it seems I need answers just for myself, not so those old answers I pursued for a period, but seemed to realise it was best not, answered.
Maybe I've been foolish again to be involved. But how can I control myself... I want to maintain relations without pursuing the impossible. Maybe this shouldn't even be
here. It's not so much whether I'll get hurt, 'cos I can safely say it'll not, 'cos it's been a long time already. And
time heals all wounds.. even small ones. I just have a feeling of "I just wanna know, that's all.. period".
I know these could be considered selfish thoughts. And I know this won't help matters, especially when everything's fine now. Maybe it's that every little thing that you do, I'm amazed by you. Was, and probably still is.. albeit in a good way.
Don't worry, I know what's right, already. And I know the boundaries, even if I feel restricted.
Bye.
my thoughts at 12:37 am