Friday, May 15, 2009
Am I such a dread to be with? Are what I usually say really very boring? Are the problems that I always tell very painful to hear?
I do not know why am I so bothered and disturbed when it's only been what.. three, four months? Why am I so concerned and paranoid?
Sorry, if I've been distancing and will continue to be very soon. I just can't take what's going on. I don't like what's going on and neither do I like what I'm doing, but I feel, it's a must. I really need to forget about those thoughts I have or might have, and to keep reminding myself it will never happen, no matter how much I hope. If I had my way, I would have readily said it, but I am holding back for the fear of the potentially devastating repercussions. I really don't know why this is another added problem messing up my mind. I try not to think about it but every now and then, things I see, hear or know about just really gives me the sinking feeling inside. I think that there might be something I'm having deep inside me but I know it can't come out of me, for the good of.. almost everything. This is pretty sad, in my opinion, but I have no other choice really. I don't know how these thoughts came about, but now I'm trying my hardest to let it go.
I rather let things take it's natural course and I rather not be so forceful. If something sooner or later does gradually appear, I'll accept it and see how it goes. If nothing happens, I rather treasure what's already there, rather than ruin it with one stupid move. So... I really hate this, this really sucks, but.. it has to be done.Hmm... Ironically, I'm back earliest on a Friday - Yes.. a Friday.
my thoughts at 6:19 pm