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2010-07-20T22:06:00.002+08:00

to hate the popular would mean being unpopular
Ugh, I guess I don't really have a choice, do I? I've dug myself into this hole ever since last year, and in my ever-increasing attempts to get out of this hole, I've progressed one step but regressed an unfortunate two. Now I really just have to get hooked off, as I see who y'all exactly are.

2010-07-19T20:06:00.002+08:00

Is it wrong to be jealous?

I've always believed in the character of the person should always be the number one priority. But somehow, that belief that I once held so dear is slowly starting to slip away.

Should lies and pretense be part of a relationship/friendship?

Who ever said friendship was all-important...

Today I saw this quote on a wall of one of the classrooms. It read: You miss the shot when you DON'T take it. At first I was quite apprehensive. But slowly I realised, this is true. I always blame external factors for my mistakes. Yet, I came to realise, yah.. maybe it's 'cos I don't take my chances when I get it. It can be better summed up with this phrase:

"if you don't buy a ticket, you won't win the raffle..."

Yup. So, so true.

2010-07-18T20:38:00.006+08:00

Being distracted is good, no? I like to be distracted. Sometimes it's the only way I can keep going. I don't like it that I keep worrying about everything, that I keep pushing myself, reluctantly. Sometimes I wish I can just do things I want to do, without having to think of the taunts of "3 months 26 days, 25 days left..." or the thought of having to deal with the Prelims.

I keep telling myself, just let life flow. But as of most things, saying is easier than doing. Preaching is easier than applying. Well. I really just want to let things flow as it is. If time is to fly and I'll be out of JC soon, I just want to feel like.. so be it. True, I wish I could be stuck in time. I wish I could be back during A'Div, or during December holidays, or during June mugging session, or back during Orientation 2009. But it's obviously impossible. Sigh.

"and try to take the path less traveled by...

that first step you take.. is the longest stride"

2010-07-16T21:45:00.002+08:00

Yup that's my World Cup poster, with EVERY single score on it. So what has this 2010 edition given us... 145 goals, from Tshabalala's opening cracker against Mexico to the final's Andres Iniesta winner in the 116 minute, 64 great matches, 7 goal thrashing of North Korea by Portugal, 4 joint-top scorers with Thomas Mueller coming out on top due to his superior assists, 3 disappointments in England, Italy and France, 2 South American flops of Brazil and Argentina, and one sole survivor, Spain! Haha... So that's like five cents per goal, a dollar plus a match. So much for cable!

And yah today was College Day. It was okay overall. I thought I'd just get a cert or something, but I had this (cheap) plaque! Haha the reception food was not too bad either!
And I "scored" against the canoeist in today's SAF (super diluted team in fact, so many foreign people haha) vs canoeist game. Well someone rammed it against my thigh, so technically I scored as I got the last touch? Haha whatever, I realise how hard it is to play as a forward now. Pity to Torres and co. Staying onside and everything is tough, and controlling a ball that is speeding away from you is not exactly the easiest. Taking people on with your head looking down is tough too! You can't really see the goal.

Bye~!

2010-07-13T18:27:00.004+08:00

I really don't like it when people comment about the quality in my friendships. I just don't like it, even as a passing comment or a joke. I don't like to define my friendships, most people don't, so it's the things I do that I feel shows how much of a friend that person means to me. I may sound crude at times (or all the time), but that could usually be how I treat a friend that I consider close. There's no one solution fix all in any type of friendship, so I'll prefer to do it my way, thank you very much.

And what's wrong with questioning reciprocity? I may not have really meant what I said, as I don't expect others to do things for me, unwillingly, reluctantly, or even willingly. I never have and never will do. But the thing is, if you define friendship based on the things you get for a person, it's a bit shallow isn't it? This may sound harsh, but I value friendship more on our actions. If I am a bad friend for not getting him something to celebrate the day of his birth, then isn't getting something for him just for the sake of it as bad? If I wanted to get something for him, I'd want to do it willingly. For some, they'd know my love for them is great enough that is surpasses any need to get them anything. I don't think anyone of us expects anything material in the first place, so what's the need? I know I sound hypocritical based on what I said today out of frustration and irritation, but I know where I came from and I will never change my stance on it.

Does it pay to be nice? What's the point of being a nice guy? It gets you nowhere. Even with this current obvious but undefined segregation, I don't really care. We can do what we like, when we like, how we like it, and no one else can tell you what you can and can not do. So what with all this? In another half a years time we'd all be out and everything now is never going to matter ever again. Sure I'll keep some friendships, but others I won't really mind losing.

So what if I'm an asshole? So what if I can't keep my mouth shut, or if I speak my mind when I want to? So what if I can't do groups and prefer more personal one-to-one conversations?

It doesn't pay to be nice. All this superficial-ness.

T -4 months.

Bye.

2010-07-12T18:32:00.002+08:00

Oh well another World Cup has just ended. It seems such a short time ago I witnessed Zinedane Zidane's 2006 final headbutt and saw David Trezeguet rattle the bar with his fateful penalty, of which was the end of France's proud footballing heritage too, following this year's debacle. Yah and the bloody Italians won then.

But now the best team and the more deserving team won it. Netherland's hard-tackling and boot-flying tactics served them no good, especially with an English referee taking charge. I mean this guy has seen the worse of worse tackles in the English Premiership, this morning.. some of the tackles were not awesome. Nigel de Jong's studs-to-chest on Xabi Alonso and Mark van Bommel's two-legged tackle with no attempt to play the ball were some examples. Spain stuck to their plan, pass, pass, pass (with the obvious movement of course), but it came to nothing in a dour first-half that saw the amount of yellow cards you'd normally see in one game only.

The second half was much better with Arjen Robben the culprit. Fancy him blaming Carlos Puyol for his lack of composure in front of goal when he managed to burn Puyol even when the Spanish defender had two yards head-start. Robben just had no composure this morning and his first one-on-one effort that he slammed at the legs of Iker Casillas emphasized this. Robin van Persie looked clueless and Wesley Sneijder was nullified. Spain on the contrary continued to press with Xavi and Andres Iniesta, even with Xabi Alonso being under-par in terms of his high standards of passing. Then extra-time came, and when Iniesta scored, the ecstasy was all to obvious to see as the WHOLE Spanish bench poured towards Iniesta in obvious delight. What a moment. Casillas and his premature tears could have been punished with a late Dutch equaliser, but it was never to come.

So that's it for 2010. The controversies, all over. Casillas lifts the World Cup as Spain's first ever captain to do so, with the only blip for me was seeing Fernando Torres pulling up after trying to chase a ball, laying there clutching his hamstring. Well he better get back fit and firing in time for the new season, and with the pictures of him having a Liverpool scarf around his neck as he took photographs with the 18 gold carat trophy, I hope he does stay, and comes back stronger with goals next season!

2010-07-10T17:50:00.002+08:00

So the 2010 World Cup final is upon us! I still remember the many things leading up to this edition in South Africa as recently as two years ago. Stuff like stadiums not going to be completed in time, workers on strike, the high crime rate of South Africa and whether it would be safe to travel there, but for the last 62 matches, all have seemed to go well, 'cept for some controversial refereeing decisions and one or two minor steward-related incident. I seriously disagree with the view the World Cup has been boring. True the group stages was quite a bore, but the knockout stages have produced some drama and the usual football controversies. I'm sure the last two games, even the third placing game would be a good spectacle. And the best thing is that there will be a brand new world champion, regardless of who wins the final.

Hmm about the final, it's a really hard one to call. Two teams that truly play football and play it in the right way, I'm sure it'll be cagey at the start with nerves aplenty and players not wanting to make the first (major) mistake. In the potential key personnel duels, the Dutch may find it hard to utilize Robin van Persie, considering his poor form and the fact he'll be up against Carles Puyol would certainly be in favour of the Barcelona skipper. The experienced Wesley Sneijder might get more change out of the relatively young Sergio Busquets, with Sneijder's movement and quick thinking key to outwitting yet another Barcelona product. The key for the Dutch should be where Arjen Robben plays. If they deploy him on the left against Spanish right-back Sergio Ramos, he'll definitely get more space considering Ramos likes to bomb forward and his defending is suspect. If Robben plays on the right and cuts in often, he may still outwit Joan Capdevila but I think it'll be slightly more difficult.

Spain will need to heavily rely on David Villa for the goals again. Whether deployed on Spain's left flank, where he'll be up against the young new prodigy Gregory van der Wiel of Ajax, or upfront against mainly Joris Mathijsen, his pace and craft will unsettle either defenders and should Fernando Torres start upfront, Torres would almost definitely keep one, or even two, Dutch defenders occupied, leaving more space for Villa to exploit. That's Spain's main strength. Xavi and Andres Iniesta will definitely find it hard to break down the Dutch tag-team of Mark van Bommel and Nigel de Jong, two hard tacklers that shield their defence very well. With that in mind, Xabi Alonso's passing ability will be key to unlock the Dutch defence or help Spain get around the Dutch midfield enforcing duo.

Player for player, it's pretty even. Maybe only Iker Casillas is ahead of Maarten Stekelenburg, David Villa is in better form than Robin van Persie, and Arjen Robben is a bigger threat than Andres Iniesta or Pedro.

So yah, a great final awaits us!

Oh, there's school three hours after the final? What 'bout if it goes to penalties?

Haha literally l.o.l.

Bye!

2010-07-09T20:07:00.003+08:00

Well some teachers are just jerks really. Not that it bothers me that much, just saying. Some can be real motivators, really honest no sarcasm involved, but some really should realise that using the extremeness of reverse psychology sometimes just doesn't work. Well maybe they'll argue if you're working hard enough you'll have nothing to worry about, but there's just one thing. Sometimes you might feel the work you put in is enough for say a B, or C, and maybe you don't get that, you get something lower. And sometimes there is a limit, even to how much you can push yourself to. Hmm, sometimes I just wonder can you really blame it all on the student? No one's totally at fault, and I take that stand for almost every situation where there is a "right" and a "wrong".

Anyway results today was okay. Overall it was good thus far, but seems to me that I probably need to reduce my rest time for the next week and slowly ease myself back on track to work, after these few days of R&R (yah there's still the start of this fortnightly history essay test, wonderful!), and maybe the rest of the results I get back will boot myself back to reality and realise I'm still not good enough, yet. Keyword is yet.

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Sometimes I really wonder to myself, what do I really want? Very easy question, yet the answers are either aplenty, or very minimal. It's no more T -X weeks to BT2s, it's now T -4 months to 'A's. Great.

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Another thing, I'm going to try to be nicer to everyone since it's like 4 months left. Lol may sound hypocritical or two-faced and everything but I don't care. I shall TRY to be as nice as possible. And I really want to give back to those who have supported me for the past year or so, in some way that I am still thinking up. (:

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OK two nights of semis are over, and my, it was good, especially the first one.

1. Giovanni van Bronckhorst goal against Uruguay. Definitely goal of the tournament unless the finals or 3rd/4th placing game produces a 50 yard dipping curler scorcher shot by Carles Puyol or Maarten Stekelenburg. I mean who would have thought van Bronckhorst, of all people would have even have the nerve to attempt such an audacious long shot. It beat the 'keeper and crept into the underside of the top right hand corner post. Magnificent goal.

2. Spain into the Finals for the first time in their history. Well if the Swiss defeat was anything to go by, it was certainly a wake up call for Spain and Vicente del Bosque, that first, nothing can be taken for granted, and you can't play 4 playmakers in one team, respectively. So after some rigid defending and magnificent passing ability shown by Xabi Alonso, Xavi and co., and of course David Villa's lethal finishing, Spain are in the final. Defeating a team that beat Argentina and England 4-0 and 4-1 is no mean feat, and keeping a clean sheet is an achievement as well. And yes I'm for Fernando Torres to score the winner on Monday morning and say he'll stay at Liverpool the next day.

3. Diego Forlan's impressive equaliser against Holland. Maybe Stekelenburg may have some fault, but Forlan's curling effort was too hot to handle, but that just shows the quality Forlan has, even though he didn't show it for Man Utd. Another goal against Germany would be good. :D

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Oh ya, honesty really is the best policy. Don't lie peeps. If you don't deserve it, it's probably 'cos you don't.

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And ONE last thing. I'm done. T -4 is too important.

2010-07-08T22:23:00.002+08:00

Omgoodedness I don't believe it but everyone turned up for Cage, and relatively on time... Well it was fun to get some of the BT2 juices out, although I was really, really sleepy from last two nights of World Cup semis. It's like we were all tired after 15 minutes. Haha but it was kinda idiotic that I had to hear SNSD and Korea shit pounding my ear for most of the time, well not to be outdone the next few songs after SNSD was gay Justin Bieber. Well, not the best conditions for soccer, but what the heck!

Anyway back to school tomorrow. Term 3. :(

Papers are coming back I think.

2010-07-07T21:15:00.002+08:00

YESSSSSSSSSAH. I don't know why I'm so happy since this freedom is only temporary. But yah at least BT2 is out of the way, and now I can finally have some time for myself. I just realized some of the things I really like to do, besides football, has something to do with gambling. Poker, Bridge, Mahjong, the list goes on... :)

It's like Prelim's is in less than two months time. Not cool at all. Hmm I really don't know what to talk about now.

Oh yah. Maybe right, I should stop praying for chances and opportunities, 'cos every single freaking time it appears, I always seem to have a great knack at blowing it. What an opportunity I got today, AND yah, I let it through my fingers.

Damn!

2010-07-04T22:22:00.003+08:00

I must say, all four games of the Quarters has been great to watch.

1. Germany's 4-0 thrashing of Argentina. After Netherlands beat Brazil in a classic "it's a game of two halves" match, where Brazil dominated the first with some magnificent intricate and individual brilliance, rewarded with Robinho's goal but unlucky not to have gone 2-0 up with a Kaka' top-corner curler equalled by a flying Maarten Stekelenburg, then Netherlands came back into the game with Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder inspiring them to comeback and score two, helped of course by Felipe Melo's stupidness. Well enough of that. So Germany, on the back of their 4-1 thrashing of England in the last round, who would have thought would thrash the then-tournament top scorers Argentina, with Leo Messi, Carlos Tevez and Gonzalo Higuain in their three-pronged attack? Well Germany did so with an early Thomas Muller header, exposing slack defending from Argentina, and with Messi unable to break past the solid German defence, Germany did to Argentina what they did to England, and broke quick, fast and swift (all same meaning, huh?), scoring another three without reply. Two words: Magnificent football.

2. The tale of two penalties in Ellis Park. After Gerard Pique pulled Oscar Cardozo's hand in the box, Cardozo couldn't score the resulting penalty, continuing the trend of crucial penalty misses (Lukas Podolski vs Serbia when Germany were 1-0 down, Asamoah Gyan's crossbar miss against Uruguay in the 121 minute of extra time that would have sent Ghana through). But the controversy came soon after when Spain were awarded a penalty almost immediately after when a Paraguay defender brought David Villa down at the other end. Xabi Alonso emphatically found the net with the resulting penalty, but one Spanish player encroached a second too early, and Alonso had to retake it, with the subsequent retake saved by the 'keeper. But the penalty save earlier by Iker Casillas on Cardozo was brought into question as three Spanish defenders encroached the area more than a second too early, but no retake was given (supposed to as Cardozo didn't score), which would have changed the whole complexion of the game. But oh well both penalties weren't scored, and Spain still went through via a David Villa double post rattler goal, after Pedro hit the post as well!

3. Wonder goals in Uruguay-Ghana game. First it was Sulley Muntari's long range pile-driver that swerved away from the 'keeper at the last moment, magnificent goal. Then Diego Forlan's freekick from around 25 yards out was magnificent as well, deceiving the 'keeper on its way in. Two magnificent goals in one game, and what a way to end it as well with all the drama of A penalty and a penalty shootout.

Hmm it's already the semis! Spain vs Germany, I'm not going to call this one, all I know is one thing, either Germany is gonna grab four goals again, or Spain's gonna nick it by a goal. Haha! Uruguay vs Netherlands... C'mon Dutch! Make it a all-European final.

From 4 South American teams to 1. Europe maintains their pre-Quarters status with 3. Who says South American football is on the rise? The Europeans just proved them otherwise with emphatic wins over their biggest favourites! (:

2010-07-02T21:26:00.003+08:00

Today I waited almost 3 hours plus for soccer! And well I would say it was worth it, even though well we played under the rain, got scolded a couple of times, played with a man down for most of the time, and got thrashed! Playing in SAJS hall was quite fun, but yah, shiok I could get some steam off! After quite a sian first week of exams. And the best part of today was probably that I learned Bridge! Ah quite fun, and sly game. Haha :D

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Have you ever wanted something so, so much, but you knew deep down you could possibly never get now or in the future?

Well there are many things that I want badly, but I know some of these things are possible to get. For example,

- Liverpool winning the title. It will happen soon enough, maybe 5 years or so, depending on how new manager Roy Hodgson deals with the nuisance that is the Liverpool board and how he keeps the star names at the club.

- Almost perfect results at the end of year 'A' Levels. It's possible, as long as I study as hard as I want for it and don't get an unexpected burnout.

These things can all be achieved. But there's just this one thing I really want, and am really willing to work for, but I know, I can never have.

And it's not like I was even given a chance, or presented an opportunity.

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Lady Antebellum - American Honey

Don't know what's up with the bee at the start and the end. But what the heck! Nice song!

2010-06-30T23:02:00.002+08:00

It was quite a goal feast in the round of 16 for the past few nights. And there was much drama too! Finally the World Cup really coming alive. The 3 moments of this round.

1. Frank Lampard's goal that was never given against Germany. Just after Matthew Upson pulled one back, a minute later, Lampard thought he scored with a lob that clipped the underside of the crossbar and bounced back out. But the Uruguayan assistant referee nor the main one could see it, and unsure they were, they didn't give it. How un-awesome are they. Had it been 2-2, it could, arguably, have been a very different story. Maybe a more respectable defeat considering England wouldn't throw caution to the wind in the second-half, but definitely not the 4-1 mauling they received from The Kaisers in the end.

2. Carlos Tevez's wonder-strike against Mexico. After scoring a goal that, ironically, should have been disallowed for offside, Tevez struck again in the second-half to put Diego Maradona's side 3-0 up. A lucky ricochet near the edge of the penalty box, Tevez lashed onto it and produced an unstoppable 30 yard drive into the top right hand corner that left Mexican goalkeeper Oscar Perez diving helplessly. Class strike!

3. Paraguay's 5-3 penalty shootout win over Japan. With the game tied at 0-0 even after extra-time, it took Japanese defender Komano's penalty to hit the bar before Paraguay went on to win the shootout. Heartbreak for the only Asian side left and for Asia on the whole, Paraguay continued to boost the South American contingent, with half the number of quarter-finalists. Europe has 3 and Continent Africa has 1.

Now what a wonderful two ties we're gonna have! Netherlands vs Brazil on Friday's early match. It's the two offensive triangles of the tournament facing off. Netherlands with Wesley Sneijder, Arjen Robben and Robin van Persie (and Rafael van der Vaart in reserve), up against Brazil's own trio of Kaka, Robinho and Luis Fabiano. Gonna be great stuff, and with a semis place, I'm sure they'll both go all out! And then there's Germany vs Argentina in Saturday's early match. The German youngsters taking on Maradona's Messi and co. Can Thomas Muller, Mesut Ozil and Sami Khedira continue to shine in their attempts to stop Tevez, Messi and Higuain? I can't wait!

Now back to BT2 and Physics and History left for THIS week only. Ugh.

Bye~!

2010-06-28T22:24:00.003+08:00

I think what I really need now, is time, to have a few good heart to heart, face to face, talks with some people.

It just so happened, this June, I have had so much time to think. Think about everything. Think while I'm studying. Think when I'm not studying. And I didn't have the chance to say it out.

2010-06-28T16:29:00.004+08:00

Quoted from soccernet.com

""No matter which technology is applied, at the end of the day a decision will have to be taken by a human being," Blatter said in March. "This being the case, why remove the responsibility from the referee to give it to someone else? It is often the case that, even after a slow-motion replay, ten different experts will have ten different opinions on what the decision should have been. Fans love to debate any given incident in a game. It is part of the human nature of our sport.""

If the ball has crossed the line as the video had shown, how many different opinions can you have over undoubted proof? Please Blatter you are f**ked up, wake up. Video replays or goal-line technology for goal-related decisions. Nothing else. Offside will be for another day.

2010-06-27T23:52:00.002+08:00

So behind all the fury and anger over the bloody linesman's poor call for what could have been a much moral-boosting equaliser Frank Lampard scored, England were poor in every other aspect, compared to their younger German counterparts.

Wayne Rooney? Don't-know-how-many-goals last season dude? And look what happened? No goals in the World Cup. Not even against Slovenia, or Algeria. As good as Messi? Nah, if you can't do it on the world stage, as Messi is doing right now, you can never be good as Messi.

Gareth Barry? Immobile defensive midfielder. Lack of passing ability. Owen Hargreaves was sorely missed. Well, here's England's huge lack of a midfield rover like Javier Mascherano Argentina has or even a Felipe Melo, pure class defensive midfielders.

Only probably Steven Gerrard has shone throughout the tournament. Ok he was given the armband, maybe a lift. But still. Lampard did well most of the time and finally came good against Germany, and in truth should have gotten two goals if not one. John Terry only played well against Slovenia, well the rest he was shit. And the defensive partner problems with Jamie Carragher, Ledley King, Matthew Upson, all gone now.

Well England's exit will have much repercussions, even till the next World Cup in 2014. I mean, compare the two starting elevens. Who is likely or realistically going to the next World Cup?

For Germany: Manuel Neuer, Phillip Lahm, Jerome Boateng, double goalscorer Thomas Muller, Sami Khedira, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Lukas Podolski. I'm not even talking about their bench.

For England? Hmm... Failed hype of the tournament Wayne Rooney? Yup. Glen Johnson? If he is still fast enough. David James would be 44 by then. Fancy him playing. Stevie G maybe some sort of playmaker who doesn't make dynamic runs anymore? Slow but hardworking James Milner. That's about it.

Wonderful stuff for England fans, next four years. Looks like the lack of Academy planning and lack of quality coming out is starting to bite, especially with the exit of the Golden Generations of England stars (that can't play as a team). Like what the commentator said, Germany's heavy spending on Academies is bearing fruit. This German team has the chance to win this and the next World Cup in all honesty, if they continue to progress like they do.

And now even Italy's having the same problem.

Maybe England should hire another foreign manager to deal with this problem. Hmm, say Arsene Wenger?

2010-06-27T21:26:00.003+08:00

I ~~would~~ wouldn't buy one.

I want want of this!

That's just disgusting. Environment people, environment.

Sooooo, BT2 is finally here. Omg BT2. That's quick. I was still kinda stuck in my JC1 MSA1 world for awhile. But yup, reality check, BT2 is finally here. Two weeks of nonsense papers and temporary (1/2-weeks) of freedom, then back to shit. Ugh, that's the cycle that we're gonna go through for the next few months. Exam, break, prelim, mini-break, 'A's. Then, freedom for awhile for me, then off to the hell hole that is NS.

Ugh. This sucks.

2010-06-26T18:59:00.002+08:00

So the end of the last phase of group games is here, and the start of the round of 16 is today! Haha. Well here is definitely the three nicest moments.

1. Italy knocked out at the group stage. Yeah wonderful win that Slovakia got over the old Italians. It was a thrilling 3-2 win, with a wonder goal each from both sides, and also a controversial Italian goal ruled out for offside that could have made it 2-2 at that time. But full credit to the Slovaks who set out to attack the Italian defence. And now both 2006 finalists are out!

2. USA's last gasp winner against Algeria. Before Landon Donovan struck in the 91st minute, USA was third, with both them and Algeria staring at elimination, Slovenia was top and England second. But after the last gasp winner from Donovan, Slovenia went third, England remained second, and USA went top. How amazing is that. From elimination to group winners in a second.

3. Yakubu's sitter against South Korea. With qualification at stake for both Nigeria and South Korea as they did battle, Yakubu had a great chance to get level, and all he did from almost 3 yards out was to pass the ball the wrong side of the post. It was an open goal with a stranded 'keeper out of sight. Magnificent.. miss.

Well now the last 16, I hope South Korea do Asia proud by beating Uruguay tonight. USA should get the better of Ghana. ENGLAND will beat Germany, via PENALTIES! Haha... What a story that'd be. Argentina should do the job against Mexico. Netherlands and Brazil to meet in the quarters. Spain-Portugal, interesting one, let's see whose the bravest in that tie.. that team, will prevail. And I'm hoping Japan make it double delight for Asia with a win over Paraguay!

Hmm, I wanna watch TS III! Any takers?

2010-06-24T00:05:00.003+08:00

Miranda Cosgrove - Kissin U

I don't know what it is about this song, but it has a nice sound to it to me! And yes she does look good, another one out of Disney's star factory. Hope she doesn't turn out like Vanessa Hudgens or Miley Cyrus, especially not Miley, utterly disgusting.

Hmm finally some drama concerning England! They got through after the referee blew full time, and both them and Slovenia thought both of 'em would be through.. with Slovenia top. But oh came Captain America Landon Donovan to score a late winner for USA, and now, from the brink of elimination, USA are TOP of Group C, would you believe that. How awesome.

Z.ugh

Bye~!

2010-06-22T23:35:00.002+08:00

So another phase of matches have been played in the first round stage. Not as much moments to talk about in this one, but definitely many more goals as teams are more open and offensive! Sigh of relief all 'round, finally this $70 is gonna be worth it! So my top three moments of the second phase of games.

1. Portugal's 7-0 drubbing of Korea DPR. Credit must go to the Portuguese, even though it may seem as weaker opposition, as you must also note that it was only 1-0 to them at half-time. Their second-half performance was a joy to behold. Everyone played a part, there wasn't the huge focus on Cristiano Ronaldo, although his goal was the most comical yet graceful-looking. But magnificent really, Hugo Almeida's goal was probably the goal that epitomizes teamwork, everything football is supposed to embody, everything the French team doesn't.

2. New Zealand's shock opener and subsequent 1-1 draw against Italy. The All Whites rode their luck at times with Italian shots rattling their Kiwis bar, but it was probably more or less justified as Danielle De Rossi's pathetic fall from grace gave the Italian's a soft penalty. Ok enough of that. The moment was definitely All Whites' striker Shane Smeltz 8th minute opener from a New Zealand free-kick that shocked the footballing world. Dubious off-side claims but nonetheless great start by the super underdogs.

3. Mexico's 2-0 win over France. Although this tournament has had its fair share of shocks, I didn't really consider this a shock. Mexico are a well-drilled and really talented team, with great individual talents, and with France in a disarray, I was rather happy that Mexico did get the win. France didn't deserve anything out of the game, and now expect to be booted out in the group stages, like in 2002.

So yah the third phase of matches, the last also, will be done in half the time compared to the other two phases, as teams in the same group will have to play at the same time. So yah, hopefully England and Spain still get through, wouldn't mind Italy and France not making it though!

2010-06-21T23:49:00.003+08:00

I should stop being so control-hungry, and really, really start letting go of the environment, and situation around me. I should stop thinking about life, the word 'life' itself, 'cos it keeps worrying me and that in itself is worrying to me. I should stop worrying about the future. Worry only about, essentially now.

Now for some LIFE advice...

Hmm. I just realised how not-so-important I am to some people. Well not that those people are important to me. But yah, just some confirmation.

Anyway S23, cage vs S21 on the Friday after BT2?

2010-06-19T23:07:00.003+08:00

Omgoodedness; I think I am gonna go mad very very soon from all this daily, constant studying. Worse still? I can't really find this time period where a substantial break would not affect my studies in the 'run-in' for the 'A's. It's like.. after BT2, there's only 5-6 weeks to Prelim. Maybe a week off would be good? But I'd probably lag behind again, time to gather those consultations and make things right. After Prelims, it'd just be a huge scramble to the finishing line - the end of November. Ugh. I really need a break from all this. World Cup is not exactly the best help now actually, especially when they put the bloody England games at 2.30am, and then again they played like shit for the last two, doesn't really vindicate my decision waking up in the wee hours of the morning and also feeling like shit for the rest of the day, all sleepy and stuff.

I wanna Cage, I wanna MJ... I wanna watch movie, just hang or chill without having to think of studies, or anything else that worries me. There's so many things I want to do, all of which doesn't concern studying one bit.

Do schedules or plans work? I tried it out last year and this. It worked once, it did not work the latter time. Now, I'm trying it out again. And yah, as usual, I'm behind schedule. It seems to me that schedules are meant to be lagged behind, no matter how well you plan. I need to plan for the 'A's run-in pretty soon, maybe right after BT2.

And wow, BT2... I still remember last year, when I heard over the PA system about JC2s taking Block Test 1, and I thought to myself, "what the hell is Block Tests?". Yup now I'm gonna take the second edition of it in less than two weeks time. Awwwwwesome.

Wow.

2010-06-17T22:43:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I get emotional
Sometimes I do some stupid things
Sometimes I say what I should just keep inside
Sometimes I'm sad about everything
Sometimes I'm mad and break some things
Sorry times 10 but you just got in the way

Don't give up now running away
I won't hurt you sometimes I'm just a pain
And that's the way it is
That's just the way I am

Sometimes I feel like crying
Laying down and dying
That's when I need you
Laughing's always easy, but sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me
That's when I feel emotional

(P.S. yet again it's not targeted at anyone, wtf stop trying to think too highly of yourself if you think you are the one)

2010-06-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I can't care less about my actions, and whatever repercussions or consequences it might result in. Especially recently. Why should I anyway? Everything now is sort of like a temporary fix. I mean, which of these will last after all of this is over? This is all nonsensical nonsense really. C'mon 4 more months and I'm out of this place. Gotta push, and no distractions.

It's all me. All me. Ego or what, I don't give two nickels about what others think. Who cares what others think? Maybe I'd be concern with one or a couple of those that I'm really close to. But most of the others are just kinda out of convenience in my opinion. Anyway how should I trust any of your opinions or yourself if you are just going to be hypocritical and dishonest? I value honesty, even if it's brute, it may be hurting for a while, but at least you are straight in the face, not beating around the bush, lay everything down, settle in the open, not hiding problems or whatever issues you have that concerns me. Convenient lies are ten times worse than the hurting truth.

Naive. Trying to be the convenient one. For fuck? I don't get reciprocated with any thing back. It's all, freakin, me. No more, you, them, him, her, their, others.. not even OURS.

Remember. There are 101 rules in life, as most say.

Well this is what I say.

Rule 1: Honesty ALWAYS > Hypocrisy.

Rule 2-101: Follow rule 1, strictly.

2010-06-17T22:06:00.003+08:00

This is my top 3 moments of the very boring first phase of round one matches.

1. Siphiwe Tshabalala's opening goal against Mexico. A great goal to start off this World Cup, as the South African left winger pounced onto a through ball and slamming an unstoppable shot past the Mexican 'keeper, pity they are going to get knocked out.

2. North Korea's Ji Yun-Nam's late consolation against Brazil. Who would have thought tiny North Korea could get a goal against 5-time world champions Brazil? Well they did and it was a good goal too. Yun-Nam latching onto a header and feinting past Lucio to score beyond the reaches of Julio Cesar in goal.

3. New Zealand's injury-time equaliser by Winston Reid that gave The Whites' their first ever World Cup point. The header went in via the post, but who cares? First points for the country down under down under.

So yah special mention also must go to Gelson Fernandes for his goal against Spain, Vincent Enyeama's performance against Leo Messi and his Argentinian co. for Nigeria, and Germany's 4-0 drubbing of Australia in their opener as well.

We definitely need more, more goals for this WC to really light up. Well the second phase of games are already under way, and signs ARE looking good. :D

2010-06-13T17:22:00.005+08:00

How ironic.

2010-06-13T17:18:00.003+08:00

2010-06-11T00:19:00.002+08:00

What comes at the end of a rainbow?

Hope? Frustration? The end of good times?

I don't want to answer that question, actually. I just want to know, is there really an end to a rainbow? Or is it just a long-term delusion awaiting us?

Ok maybe I'm bullshitting now. But that's a nice picture, right?

Time to mug, and TIME FOR THE WORLD CUP.

:D

2010-06-09T23:44:00.003+08:00

I love blogging about soccer. So yah, after a long time NOT blogging about my favourite thing.

Ah so the next edition of the World Cup is just a little over a day away! How awesome is that? Finally in a continent the World Cup hasn't touch yet... South Africa? High altitudes... High crime rates? LOL that is awesome.

Well there is that long list of absentees. Ronaldinho, Alex Pato, Karim Benzema, Samir Nasri, Nani, David Beckham, Rio Ferdinand and Michael Essien to name a few. All household names that can't go either due to a lack of fitness/injury or just suck in the eyes of their national team managers. BUT don't fret all those footie fans out there, there's still C Ron, Leo Messi, STEVIE G :D Capt of England!, Robin van Persie, Rafael van der Vaart, Wesley Sneijder, Kaka, David Villa, Fernando Torres, ugh the whole Spanish team! Yup, and there is sure much controversy with Didier Drogba and his diving antics, Wayne Rooney's temper, coach Diego Maradona's awesome tactics, the cool North Koreans and their air of mystery, (yet again) the Spaniards and Thierry-Henry-will-he-handball-again question.

Awesome stuff, the timings of the matches aren't as bad as well. Most of the games are 7.30pm or 10pm, while there are those at 2.30am which are worth it to wake up and watch. The only thing that particularly irritates me is the seven-fold increase in price for the freaking World Cup package from Starhub/Singtel. Thanks guys, your competition hasn't driven prices down! In fact... way, way up! Why fix something that ain't broken? Starhub + Football (EPL, Champions League, World Cup) was a perfect combination already.

So anyway back to the main event. Hmm I'm gonna support England, yah I know I'm following most people in Singapore and probably the world but I don't care! Spain's my second favourite, with their flair and Xabi Alonso and Fernando Torres. Yummy... I hope France, Argentina doesn't go far! Hate 'em... Germany, Brazil will definitely make at least the quarters. Hmm surprise packages North Korea, South Korea, South Africa, would be nice to see them make the last 16 at least. North Korea... Haha what a team, especially when we don't know a thing about them.

So England with midfield maestros Stevie G, Frank Lampard, womanizers JT and Ashley Cole, goalkeepers-who-all-can-be-first-choice-for-some-reason David James, Joe Hart and Robert Green, flair players in Aaron Lennon, Joe Cool, SWP... Battering ram Emile Heskey, lanky Peter Crouch and the Great Wayne Rooney. C'mon guys bring the EPL some glory will ya!

Can't wait for the tournament to start proper! Hope its filled with goals and drama in equal measure! :D

Bye!

2010-06-09T00:55:00.003+08:00

Keith Urban - You'll Think Of Me (Live)

Sorry I think I'm being music video crazy now. But live seems much nicer than studio recording sometimes! Haha... Luv this song. Luv the live! (:

2010-06-08T23:59:00.003+08:00

I like it how the male and female lead vocals of Lady Antebellum look at each other and sing their respective versus of one of the chorus of Need You Now (sorry for all the "of"s). Haha, seems to mean more emotional and sincere, well at least it looks that way. But I don't know why this sorta stage performance and showmanship is soooooo nice to watch.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

This is their performance at AOL Sessions...

AOL Live Music Sessions are also kinda awesome. Especially the way they arrange the music at the beginning...

If only everyone could be as sincere as they seem to be...

2010-06-07T22:24:00.004+08:00

I remembered last year, I had this nice little plan for my time in JC, hopefully to be fulfilled. It somehow had a few names to it, AAA, Triple A, just to name a few. Well, I don't know how that came about, honestly.

Well yah I got my first goal, the A'Div, although it was unexpected. Enough 'bout that. The other is of course everyone's favourite, 'A' Levels at the end of this two years. Well that one is generally under my control, just how much I want to work at it, how much I want the straight As. The last one? Better not to talk about it.

Hmm. Some people just have the subconscious knack of letting me know they exist whenever I just want to forget about them. And then I start thinking about them again.

On my way to forgetting...

Bye~

2010-06-04T16:49:00.004+08:00

Ah priorities. Priorities of life. So complicated, yet at times, it's actually very easy to prioritize, if you know how to do it right.

Well this age of ours now, in JC and stuff, it's so much more complicated than when I and most of my friends were in single-sex schools. Its not so much just about BGR and what have you, there are other things to consider too. Just normal friendships with the opposite sex is quite a matter in itself, let alone talking about BGR. That, could take forever to argue and talk about.

Hmm, there's much frustration and disappointment recently. And I'm not even getting to academics and studies... There are some who try, most who fail, and who's fault is that? I'm not going to answer that though, well mostly 'cos I can't. Most I know would probably agree with me that we'd all wish it was easier. Wish life was just so much simpler, less stressful, less focus on studies, more on our days as youths, before we head out to the real world in a couple of years time. We aren't going to get a second chance to live this 20 year supposedly happy period of our lives.

Remember the times we always wanted to become an adult. Work, earn our own money. Do our own things. Have our own fun. Well, now I wish I can study forever, without the financial worries and whatevers the future has to throw at me. I wish I could go back to Sec 2, change some of my decisions. I wish I could be back in Cath High, doing CHMA, having fun with my iMedia peeps and 4-4 crazy dudes of a class. I wish I could go back to P6, go back to the times when we played soccer almost everyday. Well ever since 2-6's very own Frank Lampard left for NZ, and in Sec 3-4 we never played soccer during recess anymore, well.. my stomach appeared. (Out of nowhere!!) And just have those small quarrels and 'fights' between classmates and cliques. Just talking bullshit, talking about girls, talking about soccer. Just have a go at each other once in a while, and best of all, just spend quality time with each other. Quality time doesn't include studying, AT ALL, period.

Now there's so much restrictions. Oh, remember those times, when June was really a holiday? June 2002, to a certain extent June 2006, I get to watch the World Cup, without much pressure or stress to go study, 'cos studies weren't so important then. PSLE? Well you could flunk but get into a decent secondary school. 'O's? It was in another 1.5 year time. No fret, still had time. Heh. The other Junes, were just slacking at home, playing, watching the TV (yes P1-P6 was Kids Central dominated, remember that?), going out a couple times, chalets, camps, useless lessons where I would only go just to go see my classmates. Now for the last June and this, last year was Common Test, 15% of Promos, and this year, BT2, nothing to count to 'A's, but a good indicator of where I stand, so it's been mug, mug, mug, study, study, study.

So yup, it's our last year in this education system we've been stuck in for the past 11.5 years now. After that, it's another 2 years of brainless activity aka NS. Then it's on-your-own education. And that's when I'm intending to spread my wings and fly..... IF I can. That's my last chance, after that, my youth is over, and I'd probably never have another chance at living the real part of something neatly called...

Life.

2010-06-03T23:27:00.002+08:00

So it's official. Bye bye Rafa Benitez.

Well. First off, thanks for the really unexpected 2005 Champions League triumph. Pity I didn't watch that match. Especially after you did it with a bunch of Djimi Traores, Igor Biscans and Josemis.

Thanks for the year after, when you managed to help win the 2006 FA Cup. Well I was in tears for most of the game with Liverpool 3-2 down, but up stepped Stevie G to save the Reds, and your second-best signing Jose Reina saving a couple of penalties.

Thanks for Athens 2007, even though it was a marginal lost. The run was magnificent, especially the semi-final win against Chelsea.

Thanks for the 4-1 drubbing of Man Utd that helped do the double over them last year. And for the 2nd place finish after a title push after so long.

Thanks for Fernando Torres, Jose Reina, Xabi Alonso, Martin Skrtel, Daniel Agger, Javier Mascherano, Dirk Kuyt, Yossi Benayoun and Glen Johnson.

BUT, no thank you for Lucas Leiva, Alberto Aquilani, Ryan Babel, Jermaine Pennant, etc.

And for the group stage exit this year, and for the seventh place this year.

Overall it was still a good 5 years.

Thanks Rafa Benitez. Now for the new man to take the helm!

2010-06-02T22:07:00.001+08:00

Charice - Pyramid (feat Iyaz)
Love the lyrics. Good song overall! Haha and, Charice does have a good voice!

2010-06-02T11:28:00.001+08:00

2010-06-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

Ah my life is so, so boring.

You know. The past year or so, I've always thought I have a lot of friends. Well proofs on MSN, facebook, etc right? But when it comes down to the main issue, I can't really find those I really wanna do stuff with, study, go out, etc. First off I've had an honour to be in a class where its kinda clique-ish and nothing really gets done on a more consistent basis. Well I'm not blaming anyone for that, though. Secondly, my hockey team ain't really bonded with anything else 'cept hockey. Don't get me wrong we are bonded, just for hockey and hockey alone. And my old classmates in secondary school, we have our own lives and stuff, can't really be bothered with each other, especially in the second year we are apart now. Talk 'bout primary school? Leave it. So yah, so I only have this couple/few friends I can truly rely on to go do things with. And, sometimes when they aren't available, I can't seem to find anyone else. Not just studying, doing random stuff. So in a way, I don't really like my life to be so boring, and the root cause of all this was due to my mundane lifestyle back in the start of secondary school, which I can't seem to leave but want to so bad.

And yes though many people may think I'm superficial and immature. There are some things I really value a lot. One is friendship, yup that one is well-documented here. But another one is really about face to face conversation/interaction. With GP mentioning about technology resulting in people preferring to use MSN and stuff to interact, I really seem to be going in the other direction. Maybe I'm sick of MSN and facebook and superficial conversations, but I really love to talk in person more than on MSN, or even SMS. Heh.

Hmm. Why hockey no team photo one? Official team photo?

2010-05-31T22:15:00.002+08:00

It's going to be First of June in 2 hours time. First. Of. June. It felt like only a while ago I was like, shit, it's already First of May. Slow down people! I was discussing with some of my classmates this afternoon about study in life in Canada over lunch. One of 'em was emphasizing the fact that students in Canada have long breaks, numerous ones. Winter breaks, Christmas breaks, etc. And that the pace of life is much slower there, as is most Western countries. Maybe it's not our culture to be so slow paced. But I wish it could be that way, sometimes. I'm not even asking it to be all the time. 'Cos sometimes, a little fast and hurried work can be good. Sometimes*. One reason I'm trying my best to leave this place, if I can.

Oh and on the way to the MRT today from school. Well, it's a fact that Potong Pasir is being ran by an opposition party of Singapore, which means it is not under the ***. Hmm ironically, under one of the HDB flats between school and the MRT station, there's this *** kindergarten. It's not something new to me, 'cos my bro did go there once. So anyway, back to the point. It was one of the very few times I took a second's glance to look into the kindergarten, and then, I saw this poster reading "Potong Pasir Wants ***", and some other smaller words. Then I thought to myself: Are you sure 'bout that? Seems like public opinion shows otherwise. So yeah here's propaganda for you. It seems to me more like ironic propaganda. Hehh. Funny. Y'all should know what does *** stand for. I'm not wanting to get into trouble over some passing thoughts.

(:

2010-05-29T00:22:00.004+08:00

This may sound stupid. Ok it is. Well, probably one huge factor why I haven't stopped this latest endeavor/pursuit/chase for that one is 'cos of, yes believe it or not, my ego. That huge, ego of mine. And the cause of this effect? My huge, big, big mouth. Why should I tell so much people about my feelings. I should only let those who I am close to know. Yet, at times, just to feel good I tell more than the fair share of people that should know. And then, when in the end, I end one of my many pursuits, I feel like I look like a failure. Can never get it right.

But here's another dilemma. Why am I trying to please everyone around me? Even if I do give up, why should I care what people think of me? Why should I care whether they think I'm a failure? I have no time for that anymore. It's going to be June in a couple of days. And it'll be T -5 months left to the big one. I shouldn't really care about everything other than me right... But sometimes I just can't help it and do.

I think I should just. Step back. Look in the mirror. And realise what wrong I have done, man. I should be working to strengthen some of my existing friendships already. I think some of 'em are slipping away. And I don't want it to. I know I have not been making the effort. But I don't know what to do anymore. I know I was wrong to involve myself in other trivial crap, and with hockey resulting in me giving so much time in the past few months, I couldn't really help it on that part. But for the trivial shit, well yeah that's my fault.

I shouldn't be getting myself in things I cannot handle. Some things I have already, are actually valuable to me. And I've been really appreciative of some of the things my friends have told me. Some say I'm awesome... I'm a honest listener and talker... Someone nice to talk to. I mean maybe it's just to make me feel good, but I know these people who have told me such things are sincere. And no, I don't necessarily need people's comment to make me feel good. But sometimes it's good to be assured of yourself, by people other than yourself right? At least you know you are not deluding yourself at times. So to those people, I thank you.

In any case. I'm not going to say I've had enough, 'cos I've been saying that too many times, that I can't mean it anymore if I'm going to say it but not act it. I'm just going to say,

I'm going to step back, for now.

Bye.

2010-05-26T21:34:00.002+08:00

Say I'm acting humble, I'm trying to conceal my 'arrogance'...

But really, the Gold medal doesn't mean much to me. Like some who shared with me and our hockey team last year, the medals don't mean a thing in the end. I mean, what's to say, in 5-10 years time, I'll look at the medal and think it's just another piece of metal collecting dust in some corner of the house? What about the (late) media coverage? It really doesn't mean much to me.

What I really do take pride and feel really happy about is the intangible stuff. The great memories, the wonderful moments, the immense honour of being able to compete alongside my wonderful, supportive teammates. What's more, helping make so many people happy, the supporters in the stands, even though for awhile... Those who have given me so much support and care. I mean, this is really all that matters to me. Bringing the school glory, serving SA so well. Repaying the faith the teachers and coach put in me. Just giving me the opportunity when they could so easily not have given.

I may sound altruistic. But yah, I'm kinda sincere with this. Well, why am I even reasoning...

(:

2010-05-25T21:18:00.002+08:00

THE WEATHER IS SO HOT THAT I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT IT.
Ugh. The wintery conditions of Nov-Jan has been severely contrasted with this really, really, really, very, very humid and warm (severe understatement) weather recently. So frickin' hot. Time to turn off your water heaters, and turn on those air-conditioners. I wonder how high will the utilities bill fly.

The tie, ain't helping. The morning assemblies where you have to stand ain't helping. The long baggy pants ain't helping. Oh the times where the uniform was made of a thinner material and I wore short, nice cooling green pants to school. Oh yah, without tie, except for Wednesday afternoons.

I haven't been studying as hard these few days. Kinda fatigued and out of sorts recently. I don't know why. I think I need a day or two off before I start my June push. I really need it. Just a day or two with zero studying and just having a good time. Even that's easier said than done.

Remember, last time, in primary school, the definition we probably most sought after was the meaning of "school", 'cos we used to dread waking up so early, studying for exams and being disciplined all the time. Then in secondary school, that key definition for me was "place", or "position". Well of course not in terms of academics or CCA. But rather, our place amongst our peers, our classmates, our friends, or 'friends'. Where do we fit, and stuff?

But probably now, my the definition of JC is surely "friendship". Cliche most might see, but.. who can safely say they have a solid definition for this, which can fit into 50% of people's personal definition. I'm sure almost none, if not none, can say they can do that. What exactly are friends for? Just those who profit from one another. Or those who really care? Or are friends those who don't interact with each other much, but have some sort of bond that exist and can be felt immediately once they start spending time together?

Someone give me an answer. Thankyouverymuch.

Bye.

2010-05-23T20:15:00.005+08:00

I'm happy, 'cos I managed to do some substantial studying today, albeit alone at home.

I'm happy that I, for the first time and surprisingly so, played a full-field football game in SAJC last Friday. On an artificial turf against the J1s, I scored two.

I'm happy, 'cos I managed to go for a swim just now, especially that today was damn hot.

I'm happy, for many other reasons.

The only problem I have, probably isn't really a problem. It's more of an issue, of the heart.. or of the mind? I don't have an answer to this. But one thing I know is that I love my style of blogging, and no matter what nothing is going to change this.
I want to be more natural, more myself. I say that all the time, but as most people say all the time, it's easier said than done. True to that saying, I can't do it, no matter how hard I try. I keep trying to be myself, successfully so for those who are closer to me, but in attempting to do so in front of others, I end up becoming someone I'm not, and never will be.

Why am I blogging? Maybe I want to look intellectual and all language-y, even when I may not be that intelligent or wise.
Maybe it's just that this is the only way I can speak from my heart, or mind, for no other route or way of conversing works for me. I find it hard to apologize in person, I find it hard to be true to myself in person. I can do all this online, on MSN, Facebook, twitter, all this forms of social media. But when it comes to the crunch of the matter, life in reality itself, I fail.. bad. Most can testify to this failing of mine. Most probably don't though, 'cos they don't want me to feel bad. Some, do. And for their honesty, I am very appreciative, even if I appear hurt, momentarily.

Really adidas. You really think so?

Yeah right.

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cos every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by

Amen to that. (Disclaimer: This is, by no means, meant for anyone. Don't flatter yourself if you think I'm thinking of you. :D )

Ok end of this rant-cum-h2h.

Bye.

And yes, I'm happy.

2010-05-21T22:45:00.003+08:00

Rob Thomas - Someday

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday...

Hopefully...

2010-05-21T21:06:00.002+08:00

Ah. After feeling kinda sick of my iTunes playlist yesterday, I've finally settled down with country and blues music for Friday night. And what a way to relax, especially to the likes of John Mayer and Eagles. This is really music, not those heavy metal shit that some deem as music. It's just pure music! Haha... Soothing as I relax my Friday night away. Although I'm not studying, I know tonight is really needed, after another past week of hard schooling and much thinking.

I better push my productivity levels up another notch this weekend. Really gotta get some of the revision out of the way now, it's gonna start cramming up in June if I procrastinate any further. Well its easier said than done, but at least I'm trying to prep myself to do it.

It's already going to be week 10! Can this slow down please?!!!!!!!?!?!??! This is way too fast. Although there has been really a big difference since Orientation or even Promos week, and that I always knew and told myself JC is going to past very fast, I don't want it to! It's too good a life, 'cept the academics part, I really really gotta enjoy this. Only 4 months of JC life left! And then we're all out in the real world fighting it out. Ah... Really love this experience, really changed me way a lot, and I really do see myself in a different, way different light. Hehh.

(:

Bye~!

2010-05-20T22:15:00.005+08:00

It's rather unfortunate that the last final for Team SA this year couldn't end with a bang, or in simpler terms, another gold. Well the soccer boys did put up a good fight, but the performance just wasn't there. There was grit, there was much effort, but the skill they showed in the games previous just didn't show just now. And so yah, the second half goal that halved the deficit was the only cheer we could muster in the whole game. :(

On a more serious note. I think this is all natural to me. I can never stop myself.

T -5months

Time to REALLY move on, and get over it.

GET GOING.

AH SHIT. THERE'S NO POINT THINKING 'BOUT ALL THIS. WHY DO I STILL DO THINGS THAT I KNOW WILL NOT BENEFIT ME IN ANYWAY?

Why.

Remember Darren, remember.
SELF-INTEREST.

2010-05-16T00:00:00.002+08:00

Maybe this post may seem familiar. But yah anyway, here goes (yet again?)...

I'm sick of all this already. Tired and fatigued with the thought of having millions of thoughts racing through my mind when I'm just walking along the corridors. It seems I can never get this right, and I never will. Time has come when I'm stop going to be hunting, and for a change, I'll wait to be hunted. Till then, or till the end of this year, I guess I'm done with all this nonsense and scouring.

I've seen those around me find their one. Some still in the process, some falling off course, some not doing so well, but I can't even get the ignition (spark).

Time to concentrate on the larger and more important things on life. I shall stop all my ramblings and thoughts on them. I don't want to seek that one anymore, at least not this year. That's it for me. I don't want to do this to myself anymore.

I'm done.

The constant thoughts on what I should do, what I did wrong, what should I have done actually, what does this mean, that mean. Is it really that worth it to know what someone else thinks? My mindset now should all be me, me and.... me. Nothing more, it's all me now.

Selfish. No more helpful Darren or accommodating Darren.

Lies and harsh criticisms seem to be much better than superficial thank yous and false gratitude.

Everything I do now, I do for myself.

Self-interest. Period.

2010-05-15T00:16:00.002+08:00

In a team, there are eleven players. These players usually have two choices: to be individuals, or to play as a team. Well the obvious choice is to play as a team, right? But not everyone thinks that way, which to me kinda sucks. Guess I'll be left with a void when I recall my JC experience. Sorry if I had offended anyone earlier today. Didn't mean it that harshly.

Many people see my other side too often. The superficial one. I mean I can be both serious and joking, it just depends who I'm with. And I'm really comfortable with either one. But I think most just like the superficial side of people... Don't blame 'em, though. Kinda natural to desire such aspects of people.

Can someone tell me what I did wrong? IF I did anything wrong. Like in the face. Criticize me with all the harshness you have. Whether I sucked at this or that, just tell me! Don't keep me in the dark! It sucks to be in the shadows with everyone turning the light away from you, you know that. Just tell me what's wrong!!!

2010-05-13T22:21:00.002+08:00

I walked into the CCA store to go grab my goalkeeper gear. Training was soon going to begin. Soon enough, Mr Soh came in, trying to sort some of the mess in the CCA store. Someone on my left, whom I cannot remember, asked about the numerous dusty-looking helmets lined up, left idling on top of the cabinets. Mr Soh looked at the helmets, paused, had a short ponder. And then he went on, commenting about the past 'keepers that once wore those old helmets. He then went something along these lines, "woah these keepers uh... some of them are legends man".

Only recently have I recalled that short and seemingly trivial comment, I finally realized that, at that moment, I knew I wanted to be one of those, that future 'keepers will look at that blue helmet (if left idling on the cabinets like the others), and be told of the 'keeper I was. Not the one that helped win SA's first A'Div, but the one that worked hard enough to have done so.

I just can't seem to get over those memories of that night. I'm still living in that past. It still makes me smile even when I'm walking alone, thinking 'bout that wonderful, glorious night. May I never forget, but may I also never dwell on it for too long. There's much more for me to achieve in life.

Especially in 6 months time...

2010-05-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

It's quite sickening to always feel sleepy in school. There seems to be no way to stop this constant restlessness or tiredness. Sleep early? No use. Sleep late? Even worse. Is there something I can like eat so I'd stay awake? But yet not make me put on weight at the same time. LOL. It's kinda irritating 'cos I really want to study yet I can't pull myself out of a half-slumber to concentrate. Lessons are even worse. I really don't like falling asleep in class. But sometimes it just can't seem to be helped.

Another thing. It's probably best I get back to earth. That (perceived) euphoria that I had should be shoved away. I shouldn't think too much of it. Anyway I also know my odds. I do know that a year has made me change quite a bit, and yes, I know what I should not do and what I should not put myself through. Especially that it's only 6 months left to 'A's. Full steam ahead.. academics wise. (:

C'mon just forget 'bout it.

2010-05-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

I am so freakin' scared for Tuesday. I just want Tuesday to come and go and just let CMPB take my blood like now. What the shit man, why do they have to take blood from so many places. And the most ironic thing is when Ms Sin showed us Gattaca after school on Friday, there was like blood-taking as well with the usage of needles that were super thick. I just know I'm gonna die on Tuesday. I better start praying. I've been dreading this moment ever since that time I set my medical checkup date a few months ago.

Please let me have the universal remote so I can fast forward Tuesday.

Let me sleep on Monday night and wake up on Wednesday.

2010-05-06T22:00:00.003+08:00

I. really. need. to. REFOCUS.

Set my eyes
on the prize.

Forget all the trivial stuff that's only temporary to now
and probably not going to affect me
in the future.

C'mon. This is not going to be the first time I flopped at the last hurdle.
I've done it twice already in the past 11 years.
I can't fail. Not now.

AAA | A

2010-05-05T18:42:00.003+08:00

I don't get why people like to compare their situation with others. You chose to get yourself into that situation. So quit whining, suck it up, and get on with it. I got myself into this unfamiliar position last year with hockey. Trainings were tough, long, and rather irritating at times. It didn't bother me. I sucked it up, and went on with life. I didn't turn my back or give anyone the cold shoulder. I tried to be as accommodating as possible. It was a challenged I posed myself. And well I got my just rewards, in the end.

So, point here is, this is no communist state. Whatever shit you are in, it's mostly 'cos of you that you are in that predicament. Don't extend the shit you have to others, even if you don't know you are doing it unknowingly. It's okay to share your troubles through conversation. But please don't be selective.

And I don't see how one can complain about their predicament. When, prior to and even after the important parts of the day, you seem to be all fine and okay. Then when it comes down to the hard parts, you crumble.

I know some people are more important than others. Popularity is what matters nowadays. Yes I know. But I do know one other thing. It's the popular ones who couldn't care less.

2010-05-03T22:03:00.000+08:00

How does one drive himself to be so obsessed and crazy over the perfectness of the opposite sex?

2010-05-02T22:34:00.002+08:00

Utter nonsense. Disgraceful. Disturbing.

I don't really hate the scoreline. 2-0 loss. Okay, fine. Chelsea's gonna win the title, Man Utd's attempt to overtake Liverpool's 18 championships is going to be stopped. Fine. But not with a performance like that, at Anfield, wearing the famous red of Liverpool. I don't normally blog about football these days but this performance was just really a disaster.

Still, I don't buy Stevie G's back pass was intentional, though the lax attitude all around the team could have contributed to him taking a pass he doesn't normally make. He's a pros, and pros don't do stuff to intentionally throw a match, only for cash maybe.

Okay so now what? This July/August. There better be major changes, in the boardroom, in the dressing room, and probably the manager's office. First off, the flops to offload, even if it's throwing them out for free. Reserve keeper Diego Cavalieri's already on his way out, so too should be Fabio Aurelio, Philipp Degen, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Albert Riera and Nabil El Zhar. It's really the last chance for players like Ryan Babel and Alberto Aquilani. Lucas is a dilemma. But it's not like Liverpool's gonna sign a world-class midfielder anyway.

Who to buy? They've gotten left-winger-cum-striker Milan Jovanovic and midfield propsect Jonjo Shelvey. Firstly, a striker of a good pedigree would help. Dirk Kuyt and David N'Gog HAS to be third choice strikers at best. Carlton Cole, Carlos Tevez and Gonzalo Higuain has been sighted, though the latter two will look very unlikely. A winger who can play on both sides would help, or a playmaker that can feature at the sides of the offensive area of midfield. Guti, Rafael van der Vaart has been mentioned, and they look like feasible options that can FINALLY provide some CREATIVITY Liverpool is lacking since Xabi Alonso's departure.

Next up, left-back. Aleksandar Kolarov has been mentioned. 'Cos they really need some competition for Emiliano Insua and Daniel Agger just can't attack from left-back. Centre back needs some cover too. Jamie Carragher's not getting any younger, and Kyrgiakos is really bad. Velez Sarsfield's young centre-half Nicolas Hernan Otamendi has been mentioned in the press. But this position really isn't a priority.

Some youngsters should really get a chance, there's no harm anyway. Dani Pacheco, Damien Plessis, Martin Kelly, Daniel Ayala and Gerardo Bruna should get a run in the Cup teams. They can't be any worse than what was on show just now.

Argh. Owners out. Benitez? Maybe out too.

Liverpool is on life support now in the intensive care unit.

What an emergency.

2010-05-01T22:00:00.002+08:00

Recently, I don't have the mood to blog.. or really to do anything. Maybe it's the advantages and benefits of using twitter! Like, can sms tweets from school and stuff, so yah, more convenient to faster put what I'm thinking online, lest I'll forget it once I come home and try to blog.

Haiy, damn bored. I'm still glad I can get to talk about some stuff with friends of mine. That's what they're really there for right, just joking. But yah it's good to have your inner circle. Or else you'd just break down and just die with your problems in your heart. I don't know what I'm talking about anyway. Ugh I just want to discover something to give me back my motivation and desire.

Short post. Bye~!

2010-04-28T21:37:00.005+08:00

Am I really feeling a burn out? I think it's rather too early for that, ain't it... I really don't know what is happening to me. Without having hockey now, I don't seem to have that drive I had before. I'm getting more and more distracted, with the wrong things, and I'm veering somewhat off course. I used to have that motivation of having hockey and wanting to prove to myself that I can be a sportsman and at the same time get good academic grades.

Well I proved that last year already for Promos. Despite having to compete in Div'3 I still achieved my highest ever rank points total of 60. I felt good 'cos of it, having been able to finally prove myself. But then MSA1 came at the start of this year and everything has went downhill during season, academic-wise. Of course, I didn't manage to do as well whilst coping with the rigors and stresses of season.

Now with no more CCA and having so much time, I suddenly seem to have lost that drive, determination and motivation to go study. I want to, but I seem to have left something somewhere along the way. Maybe I feel drained from hockey. Maybe I haven't had a proper, good rest from season. I didn't really give myself a right deserving rest after season. So maybe that's what's affecting me? I don't know. I really don't.

I really need a one week totally-no-study week to just relax and chill. But that's NOT going to happen! There's just no time for R&R. One thing's for sure, I need to stop being so distracted and rediscover that drive to do well.

How to? I'm still thinking.

And to think I thought everything will be so fine after season, with the added time to study and stuff. Quite the contrary, really.

I need to talk about it to someone/people. I just need to let it out. Someway. Somehow. Someday. And I know it'll all be okay soon enough.

Bye...

2010-04-27T21:43:00.003+08:00

Seems like the only really bad thing about not having hockey anymore is the lack of an excuse! To things like not studying, feeling tired... There's no more "training just now, sleep luh now". So it's like, if I go to bed real early 'cos I really want to, there's this huge guilt that I have. Plus the fact I'll feel sleepy in class regardless of the time I sleep the night before, it just adds up to a bunch of bullshit.

It's around 6 months to the 'A' Levels. I remembered I did say once I never wanted A'Divs to end, 'cos after A'Divs would be 'A's and after 'A's would be army. So yeah I kinda did not want JC life to end, so quickly. (C'mon it's already coming to May!). 3/8 of JC2 is over already. Now my thoughts aren't really that I'm lovin' JC so much that I don't want it to end, but I wouldn't really dread that time is running out for my Pre-U education. It wouldn't pain me if JC would end very soon. Maybe the hockey, the memories, the friends I've made would be the biggest miss, but the academics and everything, although refreshing and new compared to secondary school, is starting to be a bit of the pain in the ass and I really want to like sleep and chill for one full week. No school, nothing.

You may say, how 'bout June holidays? There's 4 weeks to choose from. Well, once I let up on one week for studying, I'll basically be screwed for 'A's. So yah, there's no respite until December. That thought, is just so so tiring to think of. And now I even feel guilty for being on the comp now, even just one night. That's what stress does to you, makes you think, hard, about yourself and what you're doing.

This sucks.

I still enjoy going to school. The fun and everything. The laughter. But all this are just secondary when you compare to the end goal everyone has in their own minds.

Bye.

2010-04-24T21:47:00.003+08:00

It's been over a week already. But still, thanks guys.

What a wonderful journey.

We got up onto that stage. We gave our all. We put in the performance of our lives. And at the end of that performance, we got off stage... Satisfied, joyous, and we definitely deserved everything we got thereafter.

2010-04-23T20:21:00.003+08:00

This week has been one of kinda lack of sleep. I just don't know when I had a proper sleep this week, and when I mean that I mean like 7 hours of pure snoozing. No dreaming, whatever. (By the way, dreaming sucks when you just wake up knowing that it was JUST a dream, damn.) Well anyway, many thoughts have raced through my head recently. Not that I totally enjoy it, but at least I know my brain is working, albeit sometimes in the wrong way. Oops.

But first. I PASSED my NAPFA test. And when I say passed, I mean silver. And when I say NAPFA test, it's not the one day do 5 stations one day do 2.4km run thing, it's everything TOGETHER. Okay true I got a little chance for the standing broad jump, but overall I just managed to scrap through my weaker stations and now I've finally got my first silver in. my. life. I've always just failed or got a measly bronze. So I decided to indulge myself in a foot-long SUB, something 'healthy', right?

So I'm glad I've gotten that out of the way. I've gotten most of what I want this year already, just that there's just one thing I want but I just cannot have. :(

"Darren needs to put in more effort in his studies" I'm kinda amused yet pissed at this remark in my recent progress report via snail mail. I mean, yes I did badly for every subject, not getting more than 50 for any of 'em, but I did get the pass. I've almost never gotten such a remark before, and I'm sure it was some choice that is generated for teachers to select if they're super lazy and something.

Fridays used to be training + dinner with team-mates day. Nowadays, it's just studying and dinnering at home. Doesn't really suit me that well, but at least I get to relax and just don't study on Friday nights. Well I guess I have to wait for everyone's CCA to end before I can get my friends back! I'm such a loner, mugger now! :(

Have you ever had something you wanted so badly but you just knew, deep down, you just won't and can't have?

Bye~!

2010-04-16T20:31:00.002+08:00

Today, I bid farewell to my beloved goalkeeper pads (that I've held on for a year plus) and said a nice hello to my PW results. Hmm, it was good. I'm rather pleased with my group's overall general results, especially after the difficulty we had gone through at the start of last June. I'm sure everyone remembers it oh too vividly. I don't think the rank points was the most important thing to me. Sure I got the maximum up for grabs, but I rather prefer to look at the grade as a reflection of the huge amounts of hard work and effort I put into both aspects of PW, the individual one and the group work. Yet again, thank you SA147!

You know, sometimes, some things, just cannot be explained. Most of the time, we just find our lame excuses and reasons to justify our (lack of) actions. I'm sure most of us will testify to the fact that we can never reason out everything. One thing I know is that I don't think I'm totally over it, even if I do look like it. Maybe its my past experiences that have led to my better composure, maybe it's just the fact that my mindset has changed. Either way one thing's for sure, I think I was lying to myself last year, when I said I'm over it.

:)

Bye.

2010-04-15T22:12:00.002+08:00

HONESTLY. I DON'T GET HOW TO DO AQ (application question). I mean, there is just NO link between examples that you are suppose to put forth with the arguments you select from the passage. I JUST DON'T GET IT. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH ME? I want to ask my tutor, but I can't seem to find the right time. And whatever I'd ask would sound like I'm not listening in class, even when I do and try to understand but can just never get it. And it sucks worse when the f-ing question is seriously really very complicated in nature and f-ed up.

I'm probably just frustrated with all this studies and shit. Looking at the shitty BT1 grades I got, maybe I'm starting to get worried. Plus the fact I'm worrying myself with other trivial shit ain't helping. I should stop, but some part of me doesn't want to stop these trivial nonsensical trashy junk in my head. I need to concentrate on my studies now. No more excuses, already. I want to be a 'A' Levels straight As Championship-winning goalkeeper. I know that is quite unreachable and really very difficult to get AAA | A. And I know myself that my academic abilities are limited. But I do wanna try. I'll work myself to the ground if that's want it takes.

I just hope I have some company for this ride, sooner or later.

I think I am interested, just that I don't know if its mutual. I might never know.

Bye.

2010-04-12T20:06:00.002+08:00

I swear there are gonna be people who support me in saying this: Singtel's mioTV suck. State-of-the-art technology? My ass. Check out the already market leader Starhub's set-top box. It takes just at most 5 seconds to turn on. What about that f-ing mio? It takes like almost 10 minutes at times to on. Showing me that stupid purple "mioTV" screen really pisses me off, especially when I just woke up in the middle of the night wanting to faster on the TV and see Liverpool's scoreline. Damn the bloody mio, if it doesn't have some God-like feature that can pawn and own Starhub's set-top box hands down, they can go suck balls.

So after overcoming one aspect of my JC life thus far, I have to start to overcome two new, actually not really new, obstacles. Let me elaborate on one of them first.

NAPFA.

My 2.4km run isn't the best. Ok it sucks as bad as the mio. 12.30 is usually the norm I can get, without the 5 stations before it, so I'm like fresh and everything. Only my shuttle run, sit-ups and pull-ups are okay, don't believe I'm saying that for pull-ups. My sit and reach is almost there!! But the stupid standing broad jump sucks bad. So I still gotta trainnn. I'm screwed I don't want to go in 2 months early.

Second thing I need to overcome... :D

You know I know you know!

Bye~!

2010-04-11T12:36:00.002+08:00

I always knew that this win was important to me and to everyone else of the hockey team. Little did I know, however, how greatly it would affect others around me. We're the first sports team of Team SAJC to win a championship in 2010, and I definitely hope we're not the last. I'll definitely support the other CCAs as they try to win their very own championships. I never knew we would be an inspiration to the other sports teams, but nonetheless I'm glad we can and we are, and I really hope that SA will be 1st in most of the sports come May! (:

Hmm. I hate it when I need to use what's left of my social skills. Really very irritating to have to navigate through tricky situations. Darn it. I try to avoid, also no use. Damn joke mans.

Bye~!

2010-04-10T12:04:00.005+08:00

Was it a dream?

Haha it definitely wasn't.

But it indeed was a fairytale ending, the one we all wished for.I've been second, and third before. Now I'm first!

:D

2010-04-09T23:25:00.004+08:00

These are the moments life is worth living for.

Great moments so unbelievable, I dare not believe I've just experienced it.

We didn't play our best, but we fought our hardest. We got several lucky breaks, the one shot one goal goal, the RJ hit that hit the post. But I don't care, 'cos we did it. I did another thing I didn't expect I'd be able to do again, I saved another penalty stroke, for which I still don't know why it was given. To be honest, we definitely got owned by RJ, but fortune favours the brave and we were brave today, no doubt. And thank God, He must really have been looking down on us today. (:

But, we done it. Simple as that. RJ's seven year streak is finally over. And I still can't believe I'm part of this great 2010 SA Hockey team that achieved it.

Many thanks to the SA supporters, they were exceptionally great. The councillors, everyone that came down to support. My classmates who came down just to watch us, thank you very much too. I'm so happy that I helped made so many people happy today, and just the thought of achieving first place for SAJC is definitely one of my finest achievements thus far.

This team has also been unbelievable. The defence that helped me get all those clean sheets was exceptional, I would never have gotten all those clean sheets had I not had such a great defence in front of me. That I thank the most. Even Doyong's first runner run out was exceptional today, blocking two drag flicks, giving me lesser work to do. Like my previous post, I'm so glad and honoured to have served this great team. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. Even the memories surpass the Gold medal in terms of value.

When the final whistle blew, we all just went berserk. Well, I did... Hugging Keane was my first reaction and we all just tumbled down with everyone else on us. It was awesome. Thanking the supporters was awesome. I hugged like 20+ males today. Haha, what an experience.

Really much thanks to all the teachers and coaches. And to my wonderful team. It has been such a great A'Div journey. And the only pity is that it just ended today.

:D What a great day.

Bye~!

2010-04-08T21:07:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be the day, for me, for us Saints Hockey. I really don't know what to make of tomorrow's game. It will definitely be the most difficult game I've ever played, the most pressurized game, and hopefully, it'll be the game I enjoy the most. I really hope I enjoy tomorrow's moments to the max, and of course, never forget.

I've had great memories of this A'Div so far, I've loved every moment of it, and I hope tomorrow will end on a high note, regardless of the scoreline, regardless of the result. I hope tomorrow, I'll see everyone playing their hardest, fighting their hardest for each other, staying mentally strong, feel the passion of the game, and hopefully, we'll triumph, in more ways than one.

The atmosphere tomorrow will be an unbelievable one, one I've never played in, and most probably never will again. I just wanna thank those who will come down to support us tomorrow, it'll be invaluable.

Honestly, regardless of tomorrow's result, I'm fortunate to have this great honour to serve this hockey team of 2010. Who would have thought, or would I have thought at the end of 2008, I would join hockey in JC? Let alone try out for goalkeeper. I wasn't meant to be goalie as first, but as fate would have it, and with the rest history, in the end I was chosen to be one. It's been such a huge honour to have went through all this with this great team, and I honestly wouldn't trade any of this for anything else. Even if we return with a silver tomorrow, I'll still be proud we made it so far.

And on the end of this note. Let's all pray for a great, fighting performance tomorrow.

And lastly,

Up and On, Saints!

Bye~!

2010-04-06T21:31:00.003+08:00

I've studied history for three years already. Maybe that's why my mind is tuned like that. For the first two years the screams of checking for reliability, reliability, reliability and inference, inference, inference has definitely made me someone who loves to read people's actions, behaviors and most importantly, motives and thoughts.

At times, it's a good thing. Other times, I may seem just rather too sensitive. But at least, for one, I know I'm not stupid. I have this seriously (sometimes overdone) tendency to look into people's action, even friends, and analyze whether they have any negative intentions or motive. Of course, I do not speak of it even if my gut feels something amiss or wrong, not to affect any relations, at least not on the surface, that is.

Another thing. Life goes on, despite disappointments. It doesn't really matter to me anyway. I kinda expected that it'd turn out this way. Not that it'll affect me that greatly.

I don't know why I'm talking about this. But it's just something I had to get off my chest.

I seriously doubt those around me. Even till now. Cautious I may seem, it's the only way forward.

Bye.

2010-04-05T20:01:00.004+08:00

Finals 2010. We've made it, somehow. We might not have done it the pretty way we were expected to do so, but to me, we're there. Would we have wanted to play pretty hockey (a la the Arsenal way) but lose to the odd goal? Maybe, but of course I'd rather be where we are now. We've learned a lot from the hard-fought CJ game, the complacency of the IJ game, the character we personified in the RJ game. So now, we just need one more super game against the mighty Rafflesians. Just one more. Everyone must be a 10/10, if not 11/10. Just another hour or so of hockey, and this will all be over. Just push for this last hour come Friday, and I'm confident it'll all come to fruition. I don't want to be the eighth school team in the past eight years to shake those hands of RJ feeling sad and distraught. We might be severe underdogs again, but I hope, at least we try our very, very best.

Hmm today a lot of our players got green cards, including myself. I got my minute in the spotlight yet again, this time albeit for the wrong reasons. I really need to check my temper just for one more game. Concentrate fully on the game, ignore the referee and his bullshit decisions. Hmm, my A'Div has had everything, penalty stroke save, green card, clean sheets. Now for one more piece of magic, and that Gold.

I'm seriously, very exhausted after today's semis. I need to get a good massage and a good sleep.

Thanks to the SAJC supporters today. I really eat my words about what I thought bout y'all. Fair play and great support we received!!

All e best to the girls tomorrow! Make it a double final!

Bye!

2010-04-04T20:14:00.003+08:00

In less than a week's time, it will all be over. Can I believe it? Nope, of course not. Tomorrow shall be dubbed semi-finals day, for both the boys' and girls' team, for obvious reasons. Tomorrow's semi-finals will be in itself a final. It must be looked that way, nothing less. Well we're up against another tournament favourite, VJC, so in essence, considering the fact their crowd would be much better than ours, it will be a really, really tough match. I'm confident, but I'm not taking anything for granted. Never have I been complacent, never I will be now. Well one thing to note is that I hope I am able to focus well enough tomorrow, I don't want to let in cheap goals or give away cheap penalty corners. Just not worth it. Even if we lose, at least we lose with heart and loads and loads of effort. Touch wood though.

It's hard to believe season's ending so soon, and my 1+ year hockey 'career' is ending so soon. Seems so surreal. I will definitely talk bout my thoughts once season is over. And hell will I miss this sport I only fully learned about last year. Hmm...

Pray for us. Wish us the best. This will be our time to shine, regardless.

Bye.

2010-04-03T20:44:00.002+08:00

BT1 is such a screw up, already. Got back two papers last week, physics and math, and a total of 15 rank points out of a possible 40 was achieved. Disappointed, of course, and unwilling to use hockey as an excuse. Well, at least not yet. I also knew that there was a time when I felt like giving up, I'm sure some knew about that, but I decided, hey why not persevere on and just see what happens? After all, it's only BTs, not the actual 'A's. So I thought like, even if I do badly, I won't be affected that bad.

And how wrong I was. I (don't know why, don't know how) expected myself to maybe achieve a high target of a B for my physics, or more realistically a C or D... Yes, I got an S in the end. That was slightly disappointing, would be a huge understatement. Well goes to show, the higher the climb, the harder the fall. My math, E, was more expected, and more of a relief for me, as I struggled to find 40 solid marks during the paper. So. My 60+ rank points target seems off? To say the least. And yes I was joking when I said I thought I could get into the Hall of Fame. Haha! So yah, if I flunk BT2s I'm really screwed. Zero excuses then. (Though I never want it to come actually, I love JC life too much now)

Dilemma. Enigma. Confusion. I just can't seem to find the word(s) to describe this new, albeit same old, situation I'm stuck in. Should I? Shouldn't I? This is probably the first time my mind is actually psyched and almost ready to go for it. But time and time again, I find myself excuses not to go. Why? I don't know. What I know is that I've never done this before, nor have I tried. So this would be a first in my many historical firsts.

Well in essence, after season, I really have nothing to lose already. If it doesn't work out, or if I fall at the first hurdle, well fine. The talking and rumors won't affect me, 'cos I can just ignore 'em without any possible huge repercussions. And then again, I have to feel my first rejection to get anywhere in the future.

Now the main question is, what if it isn't a rejection? Oh no and what am I gonna do then?

Bye.

2010-04-02T21:21:00.002+08:00

The ref was really crap this morning. Torres got kicked about at the ankles time and time again by the Benfica defenders, and what does he do? Only book 'em. When Babel was trying to push a really loud Luisao away, he got sent off. The ref lost control of the game. The Benfica defenders are dirty. Period. Wait for the Anfield treatment.

So anyway, today had a really fun time at Mark's with SA147. Waited two hours for Mai to come, but after that we played GH for super long. Then after that we played the card game 99? Haha. The forfeits were funny. But at least I didn't have to eat the chili. (: Hmm really great times. Found something new to do during PW meetings already. Not always just GH :D

Tomorrow will be the start of the prep for Monday.

Bye~!

2010-03-31T20:54:00.002+08:00

Admittedly, we didn't play very well. That itself is such a huge understatement. In all honesty, we really played like shit. The defending for the first half was totally off, and we weren't playing our normal transfer game. It was really luck we managed to shut them out, from my perspective. But I am still happy we are into the semis. And hey, just ponder, weren't our objectives in getting to this Group X to avoid RI in the semis in the first place? And yup, we've done it. So c'mon VJ's next. Anything can happen.

The calm I felt when the stroke was awarded, I still don't know why, nor how. I just thought, okay time for my Lehmann-esque goalkeeping antics. I had a little chat with the ref, on why the stroke was given (calmly, I must emphasize), and whats the procedure for a stroke. After that, the IJ flicker was trying to exude his confidence, and of course, though I was shorter than him, I didn't fear. I had nothing to lose. It was as if we already let in that goal. I also don't know how I managed to shut out the cheering from our girls team on the sidelines. I don't know. The whistle blew, the IJ flicker paused, I didn't fall as he wanted ;) , and when he flicked to my right I just went down. On the ground, looking up at the ref showing the no goal sign, inside, I was ecstatic, but the full emotions would only come if I kept another clean sheet. And I did, albeit with a lot of luck. But I don't care, I deserve that luck. (:

Hmm. Another small act y'all did certainly made me smile. Yet again (: Thanks guys. (:

I need to use this two day break to forget about hockey for awhile and focus on other fun stuff! Like the Europa League! And GH! Haha... Then Saturday's back on preparation for the semi-finals. Our time to, hopefully, shine. (:

Bye~!

2010-03-30T21:35:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is get-to-semis day for both the boys and girls team. Haha, hope both teams make it. Top the group? I'm not too sure...

You know. You really have a knack for cheering me up when I'm down. You just know when to. And the littlest things brings a smile to my face. But yet, you can bring me to an all time low at any particular.

And I think I'm damn smart, really. My theories, never lie. Case studies? I can give you some, even comparative ones.

Bye. I'm bullshitting.

2010-03-29T21:40:00.004+08:00

Time to stop this nonsense. This nonsense that I've been saying I want to cease but always seem to resurface. I've wasted too much time, energy and thought thinking about all this. Troubling at times, it seems. I'm finally, sick and tired of thinking that there's an opening there for me, but what stops me is not the knowledge its impossible, but it's actually the stinking fact that the only stumbling block in front me is actually.. ironically.. myself. I think, and think, and think so much to the point that I suddenly 'realize' that all is against me. So I've finally concluded, maybe I'm not cut out for this kinda things. It's probably just best to play this patient, waiting game. And maybe, just maybe, I'll finally see the light at the end of this perceived dark tunnel of mine my mind has imagined for myself.

Another thing. I think I should just shut my mouth. I talk too much, too much junk most of the time. I don't know if I'm offending people, but maybe I should just shut up. You know the phrase STFU? I think it certainly should be applied for me. Then maybe, just maybe, I won't get so much stick. But on the contrary, maybe I'd be seen as unfriendly, or cold. I don't know, all this is so confusing to me. I don't know what is expected of me. I try to be nice, I'm seen as gay. I try to be fun, I'm seen as annoying and fucked up. What is really expected? Some people just seem to have a knack at this sorta socializing and master the art of conversing. Admittedly I haven't conquered this field, and I don't really intend to, although I do try to improve... I think I should just stop, pause, and give a good thought of what I want to say, before it actually comes out of my really big mouth. Period.

2 more weeks before all this ends. Mixed emotions? Definitely.

Bye! (:

2010-03-27T21:48:00.002+08:00

Earth Hour 2010. Did you turn off your lights?

Well for that hour from 8.30pm to 9.30pm, I definitely did! Well everyone can do something for climate change, even if you think it's the most trivial as turning off your lights for an hour. It still does has a huge effect if 3/4 of Singapore does it, like 4 million people. Imagine 3/4 of the whole world... Just everyone doing their individual part.

Went to ACJC's Funorama today. And wow it was really, really crowded. Much more people than Cath High's usual Homecoming. The atmosphere was certainly lively, but the prices of food, well expectantly, were super inflated and expensive. Well, I just enjoyed myself. Managed to go with sy and aaron, and got to catch up with the bungs! Haha... Great stuff. Had to get myself out today, especially after all the highs and lows of the season and BTs. (:

I wanna get my dose of soccer later too! Seems like a long time since I've enjoyed stress-less football! Haha...

Yeah. Life's good, so far. Attention turns to Wednesday come tomorrow.

Bye~!

2010-03-26T20:15:00.002+08:00

If you'd, or anyone else for that matter, whether I'd take a draw from the RIJC game, I definitely would have said yes. Well, we got a great result today, getting a 2-2 draw, but maybe the slightest disappointment is because we actually fought back to go 2-1 up. Just couldn't hold on... And I could have done better with the goals, even if I let them it, at least I moved correctly. Sigh, nothing I can do to change things now. A great result on our part. The so-called mighty RI could not get a win today. Now we still have to win on Wednesday to ensure our place. Our confidence did not take a beating today. (: I want to win so badddddd.

Now I can laugh and look back when I lost my clean sheet within 20seconds, after four matches keeping the opponents out. Haiy...

I'm totally drained from the match. I have a headache, and I slept so long today some more. Thanks to Haiqel and Sam for making the effort to come down and support us Saints! Much appreciated by me... :D

Hmm, now I have the whole weekend to relax, enjoy the result, enjoy the end of BTs and the thought of not needing to study so hard is shiokkkk. I can now relax for like 48 hours? Haha... Back to work and hockey on Monday!

Haha tonight's gonna be a good night indeed. And I need to go shopping for some stuffs.

Bye~! Off to enjoy and lepak!

2010-03-25T22:40:00.002+08:00

Chance.

Most times, we are given many chances, especially at redemption. Well, I only have one chance tomorrow, but that isn't really what I have been feeling really important to me. I've always wanted that one chance, to try, even if it didn't work out... Fine. What I do know is that this chance might never come at all. What a pity.

Passion. Is there a limit? For me, in a sports sense, I love to win. I play to win, and I'd do anything to win, even when it's friendly competition. Even with friends, I go out, give a 120% to what my stamina allows me to give. But sometimes.. sorry... Most of the time, in the past, it goes out of hand, I have little control over myself and act rashly. It has affected some of my friendships before, fortunately little lasting effects. I think I have and should draw the line more prominently between competitiveness and just being reckless. It can hurt people, in more ways than one. It's just an innate nature of mine, I find it hard to change. I do try, but sometimes it just gets out of hand without my knowledge.

2010-03-25T15:38:00.002+08:00

One aspect of this hectic period is over for me. And that's BT1! I won't have to study so hard... for awhile at least. Now it's all focus to the season, and what better to focus on, than tomorrow's game. We're facing RJC, seven-years consecutive champions. But we have an unbeaten and zero conceded record too, albeit against weaker opposition. I don't know how to feel, but I'm just gonna prepare mentally and physically as hard as I can, and let tomorrow decide for itself.

Well 09S23 finally had their FIRST real class outing today! We went to Adam's Road (yah that's like my 'first' time there, haha) to eat, then Island Creamery at Serene Centre for ice cream, and man the cookies and cream really did have cookies inside! Wonderful sinful stuff. Then we celebrated Sam's and JiangJun's birthday (Happy Birthday guys!) with an ice cream 'cake', took hell lot of photos, shall not elaborate what kind, and, played cards. Wonderful stuff. Haha we should have more outings, especially since BT1's over.

Hmm. I'm not ready.

Bye~!!

2010-03-22T17:55:00.003+08:00

The last 24 hours have been cruel to me.

First off, I got a bit of an anti-climax when Liverpool took a 6th minute lead through Fernando Torres. Only to see a stupid foul by Mascherano saw Liverpool take the lead for only 6 minutes? Reina did VERY well to save, but... It just wasn't Liverpool's day. And Torres' petulance and madness made him miss two freaking easy, to him, chances. What a complete lack of effort and commitment.

Secondly, I screwed up Econs. For the first time in 5 years, my essay length for two particular essay parts was like half?! When have I wrote so little before! So yah my Econs is dead.

Thirdly, the stupid weather postponed the match to tomorrow. I could have finished the match today, gone home, study, have a good sleep, wake up late tomorrow since I have no paper, and enjoy tomorrow. But then? I have to go to Delta at 7 tomorrow, and play the match I don't feel like playing at all. And then go home and study my balls off for Maths and History. Thanks ah thanks. Worse still, the following match just now took place after the lightning suddenly was magically turned off. Fuz.

Fourthly, this made me the most disappointed. One chance. Gone. :(

Bye peeps my life sucks right now.

2010-03-21T01:22:00.002+08:00

Do you continue to fight a losing battle?
Would you battle on even with the knowledge the odds are against you, big time?
Is persistence really good enough?

Argh. It's Man Utd tomorrow. Good luck Liverpool.

Bye!

2010-03-20T00:10:00.003+08:00

It's seems like an eternity since I've got onto the comp. The thought of having BTs next week plus A'Div matches and the everlasting training seems to be taking its toll. I have to use all the time I have now to study, if not I'm at training. Zz... Life sucks now. The fear of flunking BTs is also kinda sinking in. I don't want to flunk BTs. The only consolation for me is that at least I know I'm trying not to flunk BTs. Keyword is trying.

Having BTs right smack in between A'Div is just crap man. There's just no time for studying. I know everyone's saying BTs for flunking, but still... I wanna do well and I also wanna win A'Div. This March holidays isn't a holiday, AT ALL. Other holidays I may say the same thing, but this March break is the most purest form of not being a break at all. I'm not making sense but yah, I'm tired and stressed out. I need a break, but it won't come until after season.

Anyway besides academics and all the bore that comes with it... Is it really good enough to be second choice? Can you take playing second fiddle?

Admiring from afar isn't good when you know that person has eyes on someone else already.

Why, oh why, do I get myself in this awesome mess of shit when I know it all won't come down to anything? I'm stupid.

Bye.

And congrats to Fulham for thrashing Juventus even when they were 4-1 down on aggregate.

You're starting to lose your appeal.
The very thing that made you great in my eyes are still there, though.
But it seems the feelings aren't that strong anymore.
Don't worry, I've forgotten. Period.

2010-03-15T00:02:00.004+08:00

I shall (try) to stop rambling so much about how life sucks and how things never seem to go my way. It's no use. Instead, I'll (try to) be optimistic! There's no point grumbling about your pain and wrongs you encounter and experience everyday. Why not, just enjoy the bright sparks and good feelings and just play and have fun, even whilst studying?

There are many things that make me happy, and a similar (though hopefully lesser) amount of things which makes me really unhappy. But shouldn't we all just forget about the downs of life and just ride on the highs when we can and when we obviously need to? From enjoying the great start to my hockey season, to enjoying the moments JC have given me, to enjoying the company of my really great friends, isn't this is what life is about? Why the need to think about the apparent betrayals, backstabbings and paranoia surrounding everything and concerning those around you?

Why don't, we just play out life (especially now) like how we pick the team to play? Like, just pick the best and leave the bullshit out. Like that, we have the best possibility of winning, and in terms of life itself, we have the best chance of enjoying what life is all about.

For me, I want to try to be like this, this optimistic self. But however I try to strive to be so optimistic, it never seems to work. Well, for one, I'm always willing to try, again.

Stay less nervous. Be more composed. This are some mantras I try to go by. It certainly is difficult to do so. But I must always remember that I shouldn't cloud this last year in what have been one of my most fun academic periods, JC that is, with wrong judgments and errors which could make me feel bad or make me offend someone else.

Maybe I should keep this in my head.

Just enjoy the moments, for it won't last forever.

Bye!

2010-03-12T22:51:00.002+08:00

So it's been quite awhile since I've turned on the comp, or rather blog/facebook. Actually, it's only been a week. Well I ban myself from the comp to study for BT1, and seems to work, seh? It's been another hell of a week, but there are certainly some things I feel really, really happy about.

Here goes randomness...

We won another match, this time against AJC. It was the match I've been waiting for, as I'd be able to meet Ervin and his AJC team. Well let's just say it didn't really went to well for 'em? But in all fairness, well played.

I had three reasons to smile on Wednesday. Thanks peepz (: The smallest things gives me the greatest satisfaction, honest.

Would you rather be a utility friend, than not a friend at all? I've always thought about this, and to be a friend out of convenience kinda sucks in my opinion. I feel I've been at this wrong end with a couple of my 'friends', but other than that it's been alright. Just sucks.

Funny how I was thinking about this before the GP Paper II today.

Dead ends. Road blocks. Are they really there? Or unless we imagine them there? Either way, it seems to be very effective in stopping me from doing stuff. And if there's one thing I've realised, all guys think the same way. We think too much most of the time.

Bye.

2010-03-07T00:44:00.002+08:00

I still remember how down I was at a particular time last year. I wouldn't say heartbroken, maybe heart pain. It definitely wasn't the nicest feeling. It definitely wasn't a really big time either. But it was another step in helping me understand the complexities of all this. It could certainly be the reason why I'm so/more hesitant, cautious and unwilling to commit my interest totally. It was also the first time I had such a real feeling, a really down feeling. It's hard to describe. But on hindsight, maybe I needed to go through such an experience. Many questions I still have left unanswered, of which I have no desire to look back into and seek such. Sometimes it's best to leave it as it is, and I'm sure this is the case now. It definitely wouldn't benefit anyone.

And like many other posts past, I feel this year has been good to me, so far. I can safely say I've been able to be really myself. I'm not trying to sell anything unlike the year gone by. Some aren't happy with what they get from me, but to whom I have little concern for. I've learn to better control my emotions, feelings, interests and to always know: you can't have everything you want.

Most around me are attached, or on the way to being attached. Yes, I do envy them at times, as they seem to be really happy with their companionship. But, I do know that beyond the surface, there are cracks in problems and some differences, hard to settle, troublesome. That's probably my only excuse for being single. Just almost exactly a year ago, I was blinded (almost quite literally), and only in mid-year did I cleared my vision and saw the negatives, and boy did I see many. I knew my standard had dropped, but the next one after that, I can safely say my standards didn't drop, even if some say it did. But in any case, I'm happy as it is now, and with this year being ever so important, I'll take the passive route. I don't want to be distracted anymore. Really. Period. I just don't want to.

It's not fun, most of the time, when you act differently in front of one particular person. Or you just can't hold it together at times.

I think I just haven't matured enough yet for this sort of thing.

But then again, when do you ever know when you're mature enough for anything? Let alone this...

Bye.

2010-03-05T21:31:00.002+08:00

Second game. Second win.
Second clean sheet for me.
Well I wouldn't say the game was the prettiest.
It was pretty scrappy in my opinion, as we were still trying to switch our mentality to a passing game.
I wouldn't say the second half was much of an improvement, but we did play slightly better.
I didn't do that well, I just did my job, in my opinion.
So yeah, focus turns yet to the next game, against AJC.

Hmm, this week has been pretty 'short'. Only 3 days of lessons, then one is Cross-Country at East Coast, which is damn far away, and today's Service Learning Day plus 'A's release. I couldn't get my Chinese results cos I had match. Damns. Haha. I just realised it really isn't two weeks to BT1 (excl. GP).

I mean this week most days are training and match. I only have Tuesday and Thursday to study, along with the weekends. Then during March one week holiday, there's academic planner on Monday and Tuesday, plus a tentative hockey camp and more training. So it's like, I don't really have time then. I really need to plan my time and get the upcoming schedule!

Ah. BT1's so gonna be flunked.

Bye.

2010-03-01T21:16:00.001+08:00

Today was our first game.
It went well.
I won't say the scoreline.
I kept a clean sheet though, even though I didn't have a lot to do.
Nevertheless, I'm happy my first ever A'Div game got off to a great start.
More to come, I hope?

Focus turns to Friday now.

Bye!

2010-02-28T21:47:00.002+08:00

After almost a year of playing this new sport, tomorrow's the start of my first, and only, National Inter-School sports championship season. I always wished it was for football, but I guess hockey is almost as good a sport to compete for. And I would never have imagined to play the position I do, goalkeeper. So yeah, this is going to be a good experience for me. I hope.

I do not feel the pressure yet. In fact, I've been feeling fine the past few days. And I know, like academic exams, the pressure will all rush at once to me at the start of the match or when I'm padding up.

I do hope we get off to a good start in our tough, extra-team group. We really need to do so. And it won't be easy. There are no easy games. Every game will be like a cup final to us. I'm sure.

I hope I can play well. This is my only word of advice...

you can either make a mistake, or make the difference and make history.

Bye!

2010-02-27T18:03:00.002+08:00

For those who follows or knows about soccer, have you ever wondered what it feels like to be a reserve goalkeeper? Like you're the second choice, and the first-team 'keeper's never injured or is just too good, so meaning, you'll never play! Well, I had the privilege of having this experience last year when I was the substitute goalie for SA (hockey, of course). Well, it wasn't the best feeling, always having to sit on the bench, not knowing what would happen or whether I'm just wasting my time and such, but at least I knew it was 'cos I was new, and the first choice was super good.

My point here is that playing second fiddle, or being a 'deputy' may not be such a bad thing. But in some other cases besides sport, it can seem really disgusting, in my opinion. Well, what I mean is that people discriminate all the time, right? So they'll always have a mental list of favourites and they'll unconsciously just favour those they prefer. I don't know, I do this too, but I feel I don't do it to such a huge degree, at least not so obvious! It really sucks to know that you're second choice to some people, especially if you seem to think they're important.

Well I'm sorry, you're second choice's not staying.

Hockey camp sucked. How I lasted the whole day of 3 hours training and a morning run with just 4 hours of sleep, is completely beyond me. The highlight was probably wrestling with Haqqim, and the highestlight was probably one time when I was washing my hands. ;)

I'm kinda sick of hockey now. Overkill just now.

Note to self: Being interested in those that have conflicting interest just isn't the way to go. Stop it!

Bye.

2010-02-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know when it shows up
Make sure you're holding on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on

2010-02-19T23:00:00.003+08:00

Okay. I can't get my thoughts together to post something concised and in order. So here goes.

I really don't give a shit anymore. Even if I don't look or speak like it, I really don't give a damn. For one, I hate refluctance and unhappiness. So if I, me, can't provide one with any joy or whatnot, and that person is unhappy or reluctant to hang with me... So be it. I mean really, why tie yourself down with the burden of feeling that you're not good enough or you're not funny enough. I say... HAVE A NICE DAY.

Sometimes knowing less really is better. When you keep scouring for information, for thoughts you want to read and know about, sometimes you just feel awful inside - not 'cos you're stalking or what - it's cos you find stuff you don't want to, or things you don't wanna know.. at least not now. So yah. I should stop Facebooking, or reading blogs. Period.

1.5 weeks left. Oh mans. Am I nervous? Not yet. But when it really comes, it'll all come rushing in - Yes, the nervousness. Hmm, there's a camp this Friday. Not fun camp.

I love Friday nights. Like around this time. It's the only time I have an excuse not to study. Then can use comp freely, have a good nights sleep. But come Saturday, its work and Sunday's just priming myself back to school mode. Hmm :D

K randomness over.

Bye~!

2010-02-15T23:12:00.002+08:00

Obstacles are obstacles if you imagine it
Sometimes, the best advice is no advice
Ignorance is, if not, the best form of knowledge inquiry
The point of life is to strike a balance, for which can never be achieved
It's not about choosing the right choice, it's about choosing the one you feel good about
Circumstance is for you to create, not placed into your path

Lastly, do you follow your heart or mind?
My answer..?

None.

2010-02-15T12:52:00.004+08:00

When I read other people's blogs, I think, 'why don't I blog like that?'. I read 'bout what other people do, I see their interests. And then I think to myself, 'should I have that interest too? just for the sake of being similar to someone else?'.

Then I wonder, why should I follow what others do? I have my own interests, my own likes, my own dislikes that, most probably know due to my audible nature. I don't do certain things, it's just because I don't like it. Everyone's different, that I know very well, so that's probably why I try not to follow the norm of others.

I've learned over these year or two that my real friends, the closer ones, the inner circle if you'd like to call it that way, are usually those that have similar interests to me. They don't really like most of the things I don't like, they love what I love. Football is one example. The drive to succeed probably another.

I know I may have neglected some of this inner circle recently, not that I want to, but (I have to give an excuse right?) maybe it's my body tiring out at certain times. I also have a feeling I'm drifting from the five. I don't think they look at me the same way each look at the other three. I don't really know what goes on in their lives through what they say, most probably just what I see on everyone's favourite website, Facebook. Well so in this case I don't really blame them for the distance. I can only blame myself, I can only blame hockey. But what to do? That's the only thing that can land in my testimonial this year. And hopefully a "1st" or "Gold" can sum up my CCA achievements this year. (I probably shouldn't go into the huge change between iMedia and hockey, aye?)

So yeah, after season, or sooner if possible, I'll try to mend some of the small, tiny cracks. Maybe first off I'll try to go for ACJC's carnival thingy, if I'm still invited though. But either way I'll still ask the bungs.

Anyway back to the main issue here. Is it correct to try to change oneself to suit the interest of another. I don't think that's right. If that person can't accept you for who you are, then there's no point really.

And I've also realised for a long time. Reality and blogging are two separate things. You can really see another person's side just by reading their blogs. It can be very fake, but there may be a chance it is real. But in any case. Never trust the face value of blogging, not even reality too.

And as usual, the difficulties, obstacles and problems are coming into my path faster than usual. Like I've always said, I don't wanna be left heartbroken at the end. I know this may seem that I think too much. But, like what I've said a gazillion times before, it's really not worth it. So yeah, I should just drop the initial interest.

No more, unless...

Hmm now I'd like to ponder, this post, does it sound like me trying to adopt another blogging style? I hope not. Cos then there'd be no sense of me anymore.

Bye.

I should probably start on history now.

2010-02-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

My 11/10.

You were that.
You still are.

2010-02-12T20:13:00.004+08:00

This week has been rather eventful!

Hmm first off Monday saw the new batch of J1 kids trying out for hockey. Most decided on it, I think? It was kinda funny that they were not given such hectic fitness on their first official training day, Wednesday. Hmm and there was a volunteer to try out as keeper, and man I say, he is damn, damn good. Got the physique, got the tallness. Haha.
'Tallness', now he rather exposes my lack of height even more prominently.

Enough 'bout training, the friendship week this week was okay. All the usual balloons, and loud music from the SC at the Caf was a little irritating at times. But in all it was still somewhat nice to hear the music, even if some songs I heard 4 times in consecutive days or even in the same hour.
I still think the SC suck though (;

One note for football. I can't believe the ref's are blind to a purposely raised arm to block a freekick that was bound for the back of the net. If they want their Respect campaign to work, the refs need to earn that respect first. Period.

I also got threatened to be soaked/drenched this week. Quite cool luh, actually.

Today was CNY celebration. My first, and only, in SA for these two years. The concert was okay okay I guess? Boring in a sense that there were CO and CCS, even MCS was more interesting. Dance was probably the best performance of the concert. The tiger thing was kinda just a frickin' joke, in my opinion.

Then we went to decorate our homeroom! Well, for the record, S23's homeroom is D401, not C105. (: Just needed to get that straight. Well, it was messy, full of noise... I think we had a few chances to spoil the fan if we really did the hanging things wrongly. Hmm but in the end I thought the class looked pretty decent. Hmm the pics are a few of the better looking areas of the class. Haha.
Why do I have a feeling the cushions may be stolen sooner or later? But anyway, hopefully we'll get one of our classmates' second-hand cushion, so we can lepak one corner in the very near future. But I have a feeling the cushion delivery will be dragged until the point we graduate without realising there was actually a possibility of one. Looks nice though, the board especially.

And the incomplete board of ours, sticking most, not all, of the names so far. Should be done by next week though. Looks pretty decent as well.

Ok so now there's gonna be like a super nice long weekend till Tuesday. CNY isn't gonna be very nice recently, and I don't expect it to get better anytime soon. But yah, HOPEFULLY I can squeeze in a couple of runs and do my homework! ... While having a good rest at the same time.

Bye~!

2010-02-08T22:06:00.002+08:00

Managed to squeeze a post in.

Haha!!! I should adopt that thinking. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And I SHOULD STOP THINKING!

So yeah. 3 weeks.

STAY FOCUS, Darren. Don't get distracted.

2010-02-06T20:11:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I have a thing for Avril Lavigne's music. It's just, her songs are not only catchy, but they have some sorta meaning. True about some saying her live sucks, but I've loved her music since I was in primary school and it ain't gonna change anytime soon! Been watching some of her live performances online, and I think she sounds alright live.

Complicated

My all-time favourite song of Avril. I remember I used to keep playing this song in my dad's car. Haha! (:

Innocence

Her newest single, I think? It sounds nice and it's a very different style from her usual type of music. Nonetheless, this song is really, really nice.

Sk8ter Boi

:) I like the guitar in this one.

Keep Holding On

Inspirational? Maybe...

Hmm, the lyrics of her song Innocence is really meaningful,

This innocence is brilliant,
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect,
please don't go away,
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it,
don't you let it pass you by

Yeah, I hope I don't let this year slip from me, too quickly. But suddenly I think I'm enjoying every moment of it...

~

Rules and values are there for a reason right? To guide ourselves, to make sure we're in step, with accordance to what we think is right and correct. But if you see the flip side, there's the exception. There's always a possibly one could throw away their values out of the window, due to an exception. And soon, the exception will become the rule. So I don't buy the shit that people will always stick to their rules, there's always the possibly of change. The only thing that remains constant in this world is change. If you don't get what I mean, my bad.

~

If you really want something, if you really desire something, do you go all out for it? If I really wanted to win the A'Div, would I train super hard? Yes, that definitely. But am I right to say, there are certain things that just cannot be obtained even if I desired it so much?

Or maybe, I don't desire it enough to want to go for it with everything I've got. I gave up when there was no sign of the impossible yet. But anyway now, it doesn't really matter anymore.. I guess.

I think the past year has been really good to me, even though it doesn't looked that way. And I can safely say I'm back to my normal self. For real... For good. (:

Okayys. I think I'll see you next weekend! It's Chinese New Year soon!

Bye~!

2010-02-03T21:42:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to doubt whether I'm good enough for hockey as a 'keeper, or good enough for anything, really.
People say, 'you must believe in yourself, push yourself'.
But the thing is, I'm not sure whether I have the physical or mental toughness to push myself to something I have never reached before; or whether I'm brave enough to do anything correct.
'Don't be afraid to make mistakes', some may say.
That's what exactly I'm not. I'm conscious of the mistakes I make, I think of them the whole day, sometimes even more if it's something I really did not want to get wrong.

I try to distract myself with anything in the world I can find, sometimes unconventional, sometimes trivial, but what else can I do?

Now it seems the going is gonna get tougher than it already is. Evidence can be seen with my history grade for this MSA. And to think it's just MSA, without maximum intensity training yet, and yet I couldn't study well enough for it.

Season's gonna start in 4 weeks. BT1 is in another month or so. Training is almost 4 days a week. I better use my weekends more wisely now. Saying is much more simpler than doing, right? Yup, true for me too. But I'll still try. Consistent work pays off, evidently. Well, this was what I signed up for last year, the challenge of juggling sports and school. And the beginning of such a difficult one is looking desperately hard to keep up with.

Sleep is also almost such a invaluable intangible item now. Even when I sleep for at least 7 hours, I still can doze off in class. But during breaks, I'm like so full of energy. I need to learn how to hibernate during breaks, especially if I'm not doing work during the break.

And the timetable isn't very helpful either. Some days, full of long breaks, some days, one short miserable 30minute break. And the timing of the breaks, 10plus, 2plus. Can't it be like around 1plus? More lunchtime-like? With more breaks, you eat more when you're in the caf. With just one miserable break, you just eat that instance, and go hungry for the rest of the lessons after that. I just don't get it.

There is motivation to do well, to strive and work hard. To get that Gold, to get those As. But the current stresses of juggling both is difficult. And to think after the season, I'll be so free, and have to study, AND miss hockey at the same time, at some stage.

It's already 10pm. I think I should go.

I need to rediscover my boundless energy, I THINK I used to have. Ugh.

Can someone be my superman tonight?

Bye.

2010-01-29T23:53:00.002+08:00

GP is our last class at the end of most days. I'm not saying it's boring, it's just tedious and tiring to constantly listen for 1.5 hours, or write for an extended period of time. And besides, by afternoon, the weather is either super hot or super cooling. So yah, so damn tired by the other lessons already... GP isn't good at the end.

Haha, this year's jersey will look kinda interesting. Not the norm. Feels like not wearing anything like that, which some people like to feel. Finally got the first, more to come, please!

I'm trying to enjoy JC2 as much as possible, but sometimes it just seems super dull, especially some days. I'll still try though. And I've found a new motivation for... Even if it's just kinda stupid actually. Haha!

Bye random post.

2010-01-27T21:44:00.002+08:00

Laying on the floor after realising the improbably had happened,
looking up at the some of the faces,
the look of anguish, shock, and frustration,
was all to clear to see.
This is just the story of our pre-season so far,
and it's just less than five weeks left.

Oh no.

2010-01-25T21:31:00.003+08:00

Sorry for conceding 30 goals in Div'3. Sorry for the two goals RI scored the other day. Sorry for letting in 6 against SRC U-21s. Sorry for the numerous goals conceded against JWSS. Sorry for the many, many, many slip-ups during my time as 'keeper so far.

Well, look at it the other way. I've never been late for training. I've never pon training for no reason, only when I'm sick, having rashes, or with my wrist injured due to training. I've played in every minute possible for Div'3, never been late for ANY of the matches. I don't use excess cab fare money to bring my bag to school and to CCAB on Wednesdays or Fridays, I just rush home as fast as I can and bring the bag to CCAB straight, so as to make the cost low.

Fine if I'm the least committed, least hardworking goalkeeper. Go find another Chinese Orchestra guy to fill my place. I'll be happy on the bench.

But this is what I'm not contented with. Don't judge anyone and scream at them so harshly when you've never been in those pads before.

Is it totally my fault we lost all those games and drawn all those games we were supposed to win?